A Different Story
by britgirl2003
Summary: A Marsan story. It's the morning after...
1. The Reunion

**Disclaimer: I don't own ER or any of these characters, etc. **

**Summary: I'm a huge Mark and Susan fan, and this is just my imagination running wild as to what might have happened between them. I'm already working on more chapters so please read and review and tell me what you think. Enjoy!**

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**_Chapter One – The Reunion_**

_Set after the end of Series 6_

When Mark and Elizabeth had left Chicago, it had been raining; by the time they had reached Seattle, the sky was clear and sun was shining brightly in the sky. They were visiting Carol and Doug, whose twin daughters, Kate and Tess, were being christened. Mark and Elizabeth had been asked to be godparents.

They arrived at a quarter to five, and were greeted by Doug.

"Hi," said Doug, with a huge grin on his face. "Long time no see." Doug kissed Elizabeth on the cheek before embracing Mark in a bear hug.

"How was your journey?" Doug asked, as he helped them to unload their bags.

"Good," replied Elizabeth. "How are you?"

"Pretty damn good," Doug replied, with a smile which spread across his face from ear to ear. He certainly looked happy. Life in Seattle obviously suited him, although Mark personally believed that it was life with Carol that suited him best. They chatted as Mark and Elizabeth followed Doug into the house. They walked through the hallway into the lounge, which was adjoined to the kitchen, where they found Carol.

"Hi!" she said when she saw Mark and Elizabeth. She gave them both a hug. "Its so good to see you guys."

"You too," said Mark. "Where are those gorgeous girls of yours?"

"Outside with my mom," replied Carol. Mark raised his eyebrows at Doug, who laughed. It was well known that Doug had never really got on with Carol's mother.

Carol and Elizabeth stood chatting, while Doug and Mark moved into the kitchen to get drinks.

"You and Carol going well?" Mark asked.

"Terrific," Doug replied. "I've never been this happy. How are things with you? I was sorry to hear about your parents."

"Thanks," Mark replied.

"And what about work? I hear things have been tough at the hospital recently," Doug asked, referring to the incident in which Carter was stabbed and Lucy was killed.

Mark nodded. "It's not a happy place to be at the moment. But it has its good points," he said, looking across at Elizabeth.

"So, how are things between you and Elizabeth?" Doug asked.

Mark smiled. "She's a great woman. So, tell me about your job?"

Mark didn't hear the reply as he became distracted by a familiar sound outside. A laugh. He turned to look out of the window, which faced the garden. He saw the back of a small, blonde woman, with a young girl aged about five. Susan Lewis.

Doug, whose voice had trailed off unnoticed, followed Mark's gaze.

"Did you know she was coming?" he asked. Mark shook his head.

"It's been a while since we've spoken." In fact, it had been over a year. They had spoken sporadically since Susan had left three years earlier, but the phone calls had become few and far between. Mark left Doug in the kitchen and walked towards the party of people down by the water. Carol's family were fussing around the twins, while Susan was playing with the little girl, who was screaming and laughing.

As Mark approached, Susan looked up and smiled. "Hey, stranger," she said.

"Hi."

They hugged, awkwardly, not sure of what the other was thinking.

"It's good to see you," Susan said.

"You too. You look great," Mark replied. "How's life in Phoenix?"

"Good. How are you?"

"Good."

An awkward silence followed, which was interrupted by the young girl.

"Aunt Susie, Aunt Susie, are you playing?" she said as she ran up and took Susan's hand. Susan smiled at her.

"Susie, I want you to meet someone. This is Mark," she said. She turned to Mark. "This is little Susie, only not so little anymore!"

Mark knelt down and held out his hand. "Hi," he said. Little Susie looked up at Big Susie, who smiled reassuringly, before taking Mark's hand and shaking it violently.

"Hello," she said. "Do you want to play too?"

Mark laughed. "I just got here, maybe later?"

"Ok," little Susie replied, skipping off still holding on to Susan's hand.

"I'll see you later," she said, as she was dragged off.

Mark returned back to the house.

"Who was that?" Elizabeth asked.

"Susan Lewis, an old, uh, friend. She used to work at County," Mark replied, slightly distracted by the uncomfortable atmosphere that had surrounded the meeting and not really sure of how he was feeling. Elizabeth did not notice, and she wrapped her arms round his waist. Mark put his arm over her shoulders in response and kissed her forehead, unaware of the pair of eyes that had followed him from the garden.

A short while later, Carol caught up with Susan in the garden.

"So, how did it go?" she asked, referring to Susan's encounter with Mark.

Susan rolled her eyes in response. "Oh my god, it was awful. I didn't know what to say. We made small talk before Susie pulled me away. He's still mad at me, isn't he? I know it, he's mad at me. Maybe this was a bad idea, all of us staying here."

Carol laughed. It amazed her that someone as level-headed as Susan could act so neurotic at times.

"I don't think he's mad at you," she said.

"So, what do I do?" Susan asked.

"Talk to him," Carol replied.

"But what if I bring up all these old memories and he gets mad?"

Carol laughed again. "There's only one way to find out."

Susan caught up with Mark later that evening in the kitchen getting drinks, whilst everyone was enjoying a barbeque outside.

"Hi," she said, nervously.

"Hi," Mark replied, glancing up and smiling.

"Can I give you a hand?" she asked.

"No, I got it. Thanks."

The awkward silence was back again.

"Little Susie seems like a handful," Mark said.

"She has her moments," Susan replied. "Elizabeth seems nice."

"She is."

More silence.

Susan took a deep breath. "Are you mad at me?" she asked.

Mark looked up, slightly taken aback by the directness of the question. He didn't respond.

"I mean, things are weird between us, and I understand that, but I don't want them to be, and if you're mad at me, I want to try and make it right, not that I know how, but…"

"Are you going to come up for breath any time soon?" Mark interrupted, laughing. Susan opened her mouth to respond, but didn't know what to say so she closed it again.

"Look, I'm sorry things have been weird since I got here. I don't want them to be either," Mark said.

"Are you mad at me?" Susan asked again.

"I was," Mark replied honestly. "For a long time I was. I was mad at you for leaving and not giving us a chance. I was mad at you for not being there when I needed you. But it wasn't just you. I was mad at me for not telling you how I felt sooner. I thought I could've stopped you from leaving if I'd done things differently. But, you know, life's been pretty crappy recently. Jen and Rachel moved to St Louis, so I hardly ever see my daughter. My parents died. We had a maniac come into the hospital with a knife, killing a med student and stabbing…another doctor…and you know what? I missed you. I missed my best friend. There were so many times I wanted to pick up the phone…"

"Then why didn't you?" Susan asked. "I would have listened. I missed you too. I waited so long for you to call, and you didn't, and I guess I was too scared to call you because I thought you'd just hang up on me."

"We made a bit of a mess at staying friends, didn't we?" Mark said, smiling.

"Yeah, we did."

Mark sighed. "Look, can we just put it all behind us and try again. At being friends?" he asked.

"I'd like that," Susan said. "So, can I give you a hand?"

Mark smiled and held out some glasses filled with wine. "Sure."


	2. Getting To Know You

**_Chapter Two – Getting To Know You_**

Mark and Susan returned to the party, the awkwardness between them gone. Doug and Carol looked at each other, bemused.

"I guess they're friends again, huh?" Doug laughed.

Elizabeth also noticed the more relaxed atmosphere around them.

"You flew? On a plane? In the air?" Mark was asking as they walked, a look of amazement on his face. Susan laughed and nodded.

"What's so amazing about that?" Elizabeth asked, placing a protective arm around Mark's back.

"Susan used to hate flying. Wouldn't get on a plane without hyperventilating!" Mark laughed.

"Ask her how she got over it," Carol said, joining in the conversation and smiling knowingly at Susan.

"How?" Mark asked.

Susan shook her head, trying unsuccessfully to look mad at Carol.

"Come on, tell me," Mark said, nudging Susan with his elbow.

"Yeah, Susan, tell him," Doug said, playfully.

"No, you'll laugh," Susan said to Mark.

"I won't," Mark argued.

"You will," Doug said. Susan threw her napkin at him.

"I won't, I promise," Mark said.

"Look, I just went to see someone about it," Susan said dismissively.

"What kind of person?" Mark asked.

"The living, breathing kind," Susan replied. Carol and Doug laughed.

"What am I missing here?" Mark asked. Susan sighed, knowing he wouldn't give up until he found out.

"He was a hypnotist, ok? I went to see a hypnotist," Susan said. Carol and Doug started laughing again, and despite his best efforts Mark eventually joined in.

"Hey, you promised you wouldn't laugh," Susan said, lightly punching Mark's arm.

"I'm not," Mark lied, trying to straighten his face.

As the evening continued, there was a lot of laughter from the old friends. It had been a long time since Mark, Susan, Carol and Doug had all been together, and the chemistry between them all resurfaced. Eventually, all the other guests left, leaving Susan, Mark and Elizabeth, who were all staying with Carol and Doug, to tidy up. Little Susie was helping Mark load the dishwasher.

"Are you a doctor too?" Little Susie was asking.

Mark nodded, as she passed him a dirty plate.

"I'm going to be a doctor too, when I'm big, just like Aunt Susie," Little Susie said proudly. Then she leant forward closer to Mark, and whispered, "Is my Aunt Susie a good doctor?"

Mark laughed. "Yes, your Aunt Susie is a good doctor. But don't tell her I said that, she'll get a big head!"

"Did I hear my name?" Susan asked as she came into the kitchen, followed by Doug.

"No," said Mark innocently, winking at Little Susie.

"Ok, little one, time for bed," Susan said to Little Susie.

"Oh, but Aunt Susie can't I stay up just a bit longer, please?" she pleaded.

"No, it's already really late," Susan replied.

"But I'm not tired. Please can't I stay up? Pleeeeaaase?"

"Yeah, Aunt Susie, let her stay up a bit longer," said Doug.

"Yeah, why not Aunt Susie?" said Mark. Susan gave them both an amused look.

"Because," said Susan, pointedly, "if she doesn't go to bed now, she'll be tired and grumpy tomorrow."

"But, Aunt Susie…"

"No!"

"Pleeeeaaase!" Little Susie said.

"Go on, Aunt Susie!" Mark said.

"Yeah, don't be a meanie," Doug said.

"Fine. I can see I'm not going to win this one," Susan said, exasperated.

Little Susie giggled as Doug and Mark gave each other a high five. Susan shook her head in amusement.

It took nearly an hour to clear up. When everything had been tidied away, Doug and Carol said good night. Elizabeth too made her way to bed.

"Are you coming?" she asked Mark.

"Um, sure, in a while," he said. He and Susan had been talking all night, but still had a lot to catch up on. He kissed Elizabeth and followed Susan into the lounge. Elizabeth watched him go, feeling slightly jealous.

Susan and Mark found Little Susie curled up on the sofa, fast asleep, clutching a doll. Susan smiled. She loved to watch Little Susie sleep, ever since she was a baby.

"Do you want me to carry her upstairs?" Mark whispered.

"Yeah, would you? She's getting a little heavy for me now!" Susan replied.

Mark took Little Susie upstairs, watching as Susan put her to bed and gently kissed her on the forehead. He remembered how much Susan loved the little girl that she had followed to Phoenix, leaving him heartbroken at the train station.

_So much has changed since then_, Mark thought.

Mark and Susan crept out the room and then headed downstairs.

"Thanks," Susan said.

"No problem. It's not like I get much practice these days," said Mark.

"What do you mean?" Susan asked, as she settled down in a large armchair.

"Jen got a job in St Louis. She and Rachel moved nearly two years ago," Mark replied, sitting opposite Susan on the sofa.

"St Louis?" Susan said, surprised. "But I thought you'd agreed not to move away until Rachel was 18?"

"We did. I guess when it came down to it I didn't want the arguments. I figured Jen would win eventually anyway," Mark sighed.

"You miss her, huh?"

"Who, Jen?" Mark asked, laughing, before turning serious again. "Yes, I do. A few weeks a year isn't exactly what I thought a father would be."

"I'm sure Rachel understands a lot more than you give her credit for," Susan said, reassuringly.

"Yeah, I know. I just wish things could have turned out differently," Mark said. "Story of my life, huh?"

Susan smiled. "Some parts of your life seem to be going well. How long have you been with Elizabeth?"

"About a year," Mark replied. "And things are going well. Really well. I feel like maybe I've finally found someone else."

"Good for you," Susan said.

"So, what about you? Any cowboy in your life?" Mark asked.

Susan looked bashful, and Mark laughed.

"Oh my god, please tell me you're dating a cowboy?"

"I'm dating a cowboy," Susan laughed.

"So…?"

"So, it's only been a couple of months. I don't know. It's still new and exciting. And hey, he's got a pick-up truck, what more could a girl want?"

Mark laughed. "And what about Chloe? How is she?"

"Chloe's good. She turned out to be a pretty good mom," Susan replied.

"I can see. Little Susie's lovely. Do you see her much?" Mark asked.

Susan nodded. "I see her most weekends when I'm not working. It gives Chloe and Joe a break, and I like it being just the two of us."

"What about the drink and drugs?"

"God, Mark, you wouldn't recognise her. She's changed so much. She's not the same person," Susan replied, proudly.

"No slip-ups?"

"No," said Susan, cautiously. Mark raised his eyebrows, questioningly.

"I don't know. I just… God, this is going to sound terrible. I know it's still in her to screw up, and I guess I'm just waiting for it to happen. And sometimes…sometimes I wish she would just screw up. Get it over and done with. God, I sound like an awful person, don't I?"

"No," said Mark. "After everything that's happened, you're entitled to be worried."

"I guess," Susan sighed. "So, how are things at County? What were you saying about a stabbing?"

"Do you really want to know?" Mark asked.

Susan looked confused. "What do you mean?"

Mark told her the story about Carter, Lucy and Paul Sobriki. At the end, Susan sat and stared at Mark, shaking her head.

"I can't believe it," Susan said. "I just can't believe it."

Mark nodded. "I know."

"Poor Carter."

"The kid's been through hell," Mark said.

"That's an understatement. God, he was stabbed. How do you get over something like that?" Susan questioned.

"The hospital hasn't been the same since. It's like no-one dares have fun anymore," Mark said. "No music, no jokes, no laughter."

"Don't you just wish for the simple days, when all you had to worry about was whether Carol and Doug were on or off?" Susan laughed.

"Yeah. And look at them now," Mark said.

Susan smiled. "I know. They're so happy. It gives me hope," she said.

"Hope?" Mark asked.

"Sure. Fate. True love. All that mushy stuff," Susan replied.

"I didn't know you were such a romantic," Mark laughed.

Susan laughed too. "And you're not, I suppose? It might have been a few years, but I remember what you were like!"

Mark and Susan continued to talk into the small hours of the morning. There was a lot for them to talk about. They were finally interrupted by Elizabeth.

"Are you ever coming to bed?" she asked Mark, slightly irritably, as she poured herself a glass of water.

Mark looked at the clock on the wall. It read 2.55am.

"God, I didn't realise how late it was," Mark said getting up from the chair.

"Me neither," Susan said. "I guess I'll be the grumpy one tomorrow! Goodnight Mark. Goodnight Elizabeth."

Susan went upstairs, while Mark, feeling guilty, put his arms around Elizabeth.

"Missing me?" he asked. He kissed her lightly on the lips. "Come on, let's go to bed."


	3. New Beginnings

**_Chapter Three – New Beginnings_**

The next morning Susan was woken by Little Susie shaking her.

"Aunt Susie, it's time to get up. Doug says if you don't get out of bed, he's going to come in here and kick your…"

"Don't finish that sentence," Susan said groggily.

Susan dragged herself out of bed and went to the bathroom, where she bumped into Elizabeth who was just coming out.

"Morning," Susan said.

"Morning," Elizabeth replied, slightly stiffly. After they had gone to bed, she had questioned Mark about his relationship with Susan, but he hadn't been very forthcoming with his answers. She guessed that there was some history between them and the chemistry between them unnerved her.

Meanwhile, Mark was downstairs with Carol and Doug, helping them get the twins ready.

"So, what time did you and Susan get to bed last night?" Doug asked.

"About three," Mark replied, yawning. Doug raised his eyebrows.

"What?" Mark asked.

Doug looked at Carol. "Nothing," he said.

"Don't start, guys," Mark said. "We were just catching up, that's all. It's been a long time."

"And Elizabeth doesn't mind you coming to bed in the small hours of the morning after spending the night with an old flame?" Doug asked. Mark said nothing.

"I mean, she does know about you and Susan?" Doug said.

"There was no 'me and Susan'" Mark said.

"You know what I mean," Doug said.

"We were just catching up!" Mark repeated, turning his head as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "Please don't make a big deal of this."

Elizabeth walked into the kitchen and became aware of the silence that followed.

"Did I interrupt something?" she asked.

"No," said Carol, trying to ease the awkwardness. "Just too many things to do and not enough time. Doug, will you please get the diaper bag ready."

"Anything for you," Doug said, kissing her on the cheek before disappearing upstairs.

"What can we do to help?" Elizabeth asked.

"You can help me change the twins. Their outfits are upstairs in our bedroom, will you fetch them for me?" Carol asked.

"Sure," Elizabeth said, going upstairs.

Carol looked at Mark. "You know, Doug's only looking out for you."

"Well, he doesn't have to. We were just catching up," Mark said, exasperated. "Look, Susan and I are just friends. I'm happy with Elizabeth.

"I believe you," Carol said.

"You know, you could have told me Susan was going to be here," Mark said.

"I know, I'm sorry. Susan was nervous enough about seeing you, I couldn't deal with you too."

"She was nervous?" Mark asked.

"Sure. When you think about how she left and what you went through afterwards, she thought you'd be mad at her. Even I didn't know how you'd react," Carol said. "So, how are you feeling about it all?"

"I think if I'd have known she was going to be here, it wouldn't have been so easy to just forget what happened," Mark said. "But it's good to see her. I've missed her."

Carol smiled. "I'm glad."

At that moment, the door opened and Carol's family came bustling in, her mother frantically waving her arms and talking in Russian. The rest of the morning disappeared as everyone ran around getting things ready for the christening. There was to be a barbeque at Carol and Doug's afterwards for all the guests, and all the preparations had to be done before the christening.

The christening itself was held at a small church nearby mid-afternoon. As well as Mark and Elizabeth, Susan was a second godmother. Carol cried for most of the service, much to Doug's amusement.

Afterwards, at the party, the drinks flowed and the music played. Doug grabbed Carol round the waist and began to dance with her. Little Susie took Susan's hands, pulling her up from her chair and making her dance. Mark and Elizabeth were each holding one of the twins, and Mark took Elizabeth's spare hand and spun her around. As the music changed, so did their dancing partners. Elizabeth noticed, again, the chemistry between Mark and Susan as they danced together, laughing. She was still preoccupied with the silence that had greeted her earlier that morning.

Later in the evening, as she took a break from dancing, Elizabeth caught up with Susan at one of the tables where she was sat with Little Susie. Susan looked up and smiled. Elizabeth smiled back at both of them, sitting down.

"Taking a break as well, huh?" Susan said.

"Yes, I'm exhausted," she said. An uncomfortable silence followed.

"So, you used to work in Chicago?" Elizabeth asked.

Susan nodded. "At County."

"Why did you leave, if you don't mind me asking?" Elizabeth said.

"Family reasons. This one really," Susan replied, nodding her head towards Little Susie. "It's complicated."

"Not because of Mark?" Elizabeth asked, cautiously.

"Mark?"

"You two dated, right?" Elizabeth said.

Susan laughed, nervously. "No, we never dated."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought…" Elizabeth said, embarrassed.

They were interrupted by Doug, who brought over some drinks.

"Here you go, Elizabeth," he said, passing her a drink. "This one's for you, Little Susie. And for you, Big Susie."

Susan grinned at his nickname for her. "Thanks."

The three of them chatted together for a while, both Elizabeth and Susan glad they could avoid their earlier conversation. Eventually, Little Susie fell asleep with her head on Susan's lap.

"I'd better put this one to bed," she said. "Come on, little one."

"She seems nice," Elizabeth said to Doug, watching her lead Little Susie into the house.

"Whose nice?" said Mark, coming up behind Elizabeth and sitting down beside her.

"Susan," Elizabeth said.

"Yeah, she is," Doug replied.

"Does she come here much?" Mark asked.

"Yeah, I guess she does. She and Carol are still good friends. And sometimes she brings Little Susie here," Doug said.

"I can't believe how big she is now," Mark said, referring to Little Susie.

"I know. She's a wonderful kid. A little monkey sometimes, just like her mom. But fortunately, she's more like Susan," Doug said.

"Why 'fortunately'?" Elizabeth enquired.

"It's complicated," Mark said, and changed the subject to basketball. Elizabeth was left feeling put out by Mark's vagueness, but didn't say anything.

When the party was over, Carol declared that the tidying up could wait until morning and everyone made their way to bed. Once alone, Elizabeth couldn't hold her silence any longer.

"Is there something I should know about you and Susan?" she asked.

Mark looked surprised. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not stupid, Mark," Elizabeth said. "I noticed you all go quiet when I walked into the kitchen this morning. You changed the subject earlier when we were talking about her…"

"Elizabeth…"

"And she got really embarrassed earlier when I asked if you two had dated."

"You did what?!"

"Do you know, I've seen you look more relaxed these past couple of days than you have all year?"

"What does that have to do with Susan?" Mark asked.

"You tell me."

"Ok, stop," Mark said, firmly. "I don't know where this is coming from, and I don't really know why it matters, but no, we never dated. Susan and I were friends, good friends. We went through a lot together. And yes, once upon a time I wanted more, but that was three years ago. This is the first time I've seen her since she left Chicago. A lot has changed since then – I've changed."

"You loved her?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes, I loved her," he said, taking Elizabeth's hands in his. "But now, right now, I love you. Whatever there was, or wasn't, between me and Susan is in the past. Please understand that. I want to be with you."

Elizabeth sighed. "I'm sorry."

Mark kissed her lightly on the lips.

"It's ok," he said, grinning. "I kind of like it that you were jealous."

Elizabeth smiled, as they curled up in bed together.

The next morning, Doug, Carol, Mark, Elizabeth, Susan and Little Susie sat eating breakfast together, a relaxed atmosphere amongst them. Doug stood up, with his glass raised.

"Oooh, speech!" Mark joked.

"I know I'm not exactly the sentimental type…" Doug started. Carol raised her glass in agreement, and everyone laughed. "…but I just wanted to say thank you to our three godparents. It means a lot to Carol and me that you guys were here. And to Carol, thank you for giving me two beautiful baby girls. You know how much I love you. So, lets toast to new beginnings."

"New beginnings," everyone said in chorus.

Suddenly, a car horn sounded outside.

"That's our taxi," Susan said. "Come on, little one, time to go."

They all made their way outside.

"Bye Elizabeth, it was nice meeting you," Susan said.

"You too," Elizabeth said, smiling.

Susan and Carol hugged.

"Thank you so much," Carol said.

"Anytime," Susan said. "I'll speak to you soon."

Doug and Mark were putting the bags in the car. Susan walked over.

"See ya, Big Susie," Doug said with a grin and kissing her on the cheek. "Bye, Little Susie."

Susan laughed as she watched Doug pick up Little Susie and swing her around, making her giggle. Then she turned to Mark.

"New beginnings, huh?" she said.

"New beginnings," Mark agreed, giving her a hug. "I'll call."

Susan smiled. "Me too."


	4. Life or Death

**Disclaimer: I don't own ER or any of these characters. You'll notice that I've borrowed some of the storylines from ER (I don't own these either!) – but I've adapted them to fit in with where I want the story to go.**

**The next chapter is based on Series 7, although Elizabeth isn't pregnant and Mark hasn't proposed to her.**

**Thank you to those that have already reviewed. Please keep telling me what you think!**

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**_Chapter Four – Life or Death_**

_Set after Mark discovers his brain tumour in Series 7_

Mark was sat at the kitchen table, staring at the telephone.

_'Call her'_, he told himself. _'Just pick up the phone and call'_.

"Mark? Are you ok?" Elizabeth asked from behind him.

"Hmmm?"

"You were talking to yourself," Elizabeth said, concerned.

"First sign of madness," Mark said, finally taking his eyes off the telephone. "Or a sign that I've got a tumour invading my brain."

"Mark!"

"Sorry," Mark said, sheepishly. "Are you off to work?"

"Yes. Will you be alright?" Elizabeth asked.

Mark nodded.

"Ok, I'll call you later," Elizabeth said, kissing his head before leaving. Mark watched her go.

"Nothing that experimental surgery won't fix," he said to the closed door.

A few weeks ago, Mark had discovered he had a brain tumour. His only chance of survival was an experimental type of surgery in New York, which was scheduled to take place in a few days. Now, he was trying to pluck up the courage to call Susan. It was Christmas, and six months had passed since the christening. They had kept in touch, as promised, their closeness growing, and Mark was finding it difficult to tell Susan his bad news. They had spoken recently, to wish each other a happy Christmas, but Mark had decided that was not a good time to tell her that he was dying.

Mark went to reach for the telephone, when suddenly it rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mark? It's Susan."

Mark couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so funny?" Susan asked.

"I was just about to call you," Mark answered.

"Yeah? Must be my sixth sense," Susan laughed. "So, how was your Christmas?"

"Oh, um, good. Yours?" Mark stuttered, put off by her happy tone.

"Very good. I…" Susan started.

"Susan, wait!" Mark interrupted, then paused not knowing the words to say.

"Mark? Is everything ok?"

"No, it's not. I, uh, I've got something to tell you, and you're not going to like it," Mark said, quietly.

"Mark, you're scaring me," Susan said, worried.

"I haven't been well. Headaches and dizziness, and I was having some problems with my speech so I had an MRI done," Mark said.

"And?" Susan asked, nervously.

"I've got a glioblastoma multiforme in my frontal cortex."

"Oh my god," Mark heard Susan say.

"It's not all bad," Mark said, reassuringly. "There's a doctor in New York who's willing to carry out a new type of surgery. I'm having it done in a couple of days."

Susan was silent.

"Susan? Are you ok?"

"Aren't I the one who should be asking that?" Susan replied, sniffing. "How long have you known?"

"A couple of weeks," Mark replied.

"A couple of weeks? Why didn't you say anything sooner?" Susan exclaimed. "We only spoke last week!"

"I know, I'm sorry. It's not an easy thing to tell someone," Mark answered.

"No, I'm sorry," Susan apologised. "It's a lot to take in. God Mark, I'm so sorry."

"Hey, at least I get some time off work," Mark said, trying to be cheerful. "People are always trying to persuade me I need a holiday."

On the other end of the phone, Susan shook her head. It was so typical of Mark to make a joke at a time like this.

"I'm glad to hear it hasn't affected your sense of humour," Susan said. "Are they optimistic?" She almost didn't want to hear the answer.

"As much as they can be. This surgery hasn't been done much."

Susan paused. "Mark…"

"Oh no," Mark interrupted. "Let's not have this conversation."

"What conversation?"

"The one where we list all our regrets," Mark replied. "The past is the past, remember? Besides, I'm going to come out of this just fine."

"You'd better," Susan said.

"So, have you got any news for me?" Mark asked, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, I, uh…no, nothing important," Susan said, dismissively.

There was a sudden silence between them. It was difficult for either of them to know what to say next.

"Listen, I'd better go. I've got some stuff to sort before I go to New York," Mark said.

"Oh, yeah, of course," Susan said, wishing she had something more positive to say. "Take care, ok? I'll be thinking of you."

"Thanks. Bye Susan."

"Bye Mark."

As they each hung up their telephone, they both prayed to God that this was not their last conversation.

A few days later, Mark and Elizabeth travelled to New York, where a Dr Burke was waiting to carry out the surgery. They were both very nervous and their relationship felt strained. Whatever either of them said seemed to hit a nerve with the other.

On 31st December, Mark and Elizabeth made their way to the hospital. They were taken to a side room, where they waited to be collected to be taken to surgery.

"Elizabeth?" Mark said, quietly. "If something happens in there, if something goes wrong…"

"Mark, I don't want to think about that," Elizabeth interrupted.

"Please, Elizabeth, let me say this. No machines, ok? No tubes and no machines keeping my body alive. Please?"

Elizabeth nodded. She didn't dare open her mouth to try to speak, knowing that she would simply choke up and start to cry. Just then, a nurse came into the room.

"Are you ready, Dr Greene?" he asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Mark replied, reaching for Elizabeth's hand. She took it.

"I'll be right here, ok? I'll be with you the whole time, I promise," she said, before Mark was wheeled off.

The surgery lasted nearly six hours. Mark was kept conscious throughout the operation, so that the surgeons could keep track of the parts of the brain they were removing. Elizabeth was allowed into the theatre to sit with Mark. By the end of it, they were both exhausted.

Later on, as Mark slept, Elizabeth sat by his side, her head dropping as she struggled to stay awake. The sound of the door aroused her.

"Dr Burke?"

"Elizabeth, I just wanted you to know that the operation was a success. Mark is expected to make a full recovery," Dr Burke said.

"Oh, thank God," she cried, before the tears started to flow.

"Elizabeth?" came a voice from the bed. Mark had stirred.

"You're going to be alright, Mark," Elizabeth cried. "You're going to be just fine."

She leant across his chest and cried. Mark wept too. They had both been too scared to show how frightened they had been, and now it was over they felt relieved.

"You should go to the hotel and get some rest," Mark said later to Elizabeth. "I know you didn't sleep well last night."

"No, I don't want to leave you here alone," Elizabeth said.

"I'll be alright. All I'm going to do is sleep anyway," Mark said. "Go on, go."

"Ok, but I'll be back in a few hours, ok?" Elizabeth said, bending down and kissing him.

Once she had gone, Mark cried again. There had been so many thoughts going through his head since he had found out about the brain tumour; thoughts he had not been able to share with Elizabeth. Sometimes he thought that he and Elizabeth wouldn't still be together if he hadn't got sick. But other times he would look at her and wonder if he'd have been able to cope with the past month if she hadn't been around. He had worried about Rachel, and how she would cope if he wasn't around anymore. It was bad enough that he had missed out on watching her grow up, but to not be there at all would be so much worse, it caused his heart to ache.

Finally, he drifted off to sleep again. When he woke up, he saw a blurry figure sat by his bed. It didn't look like Elizabeth. The figure was smaller, with short blonde hair.

"Hey," the figure said. Mark recognised the voice and smiled.

"Susan! What are you doing here?" he said with a smile.

"Just checking up on you," she replied.

"And how am I doing?" he asked.

"Pretty good," Susan said.

Mark started to pull himself upwards, and Susan instinctively put her arms around him to help him.

"Thanks," Mark said, gratefully.

"How are you feeling?" Susan asked.

"Like I just had brain surgery," Mark said. "My head aches a bit."

"You want me to call the doctor?" Susan asked, concerned.

"No, it'll pass," Mark said. "You're looking really well."

Susan smiled. "I wish I could say the same. You look awful!" she joked.

"I'm glad to see you've been working on your bedside manner," Mark laughed. "How long are you in New York for?"

"This is just a passing visit. I couldn't get much time off work," Susan replied.

"You know, you could have just picked up the phone," Mark said.

"I wanted to come. I wanted to be here before you went in, but my flight was delayed. I got here just after you'd gone into surgery."

"You didn't have to," Mark said.

"I wanted to," Susan repeated. "I'm sorry I was so useless on the phone last week."

"Susan, you didn't have to come all the way to New York just because you felt bad about being upset," Mark said, although he was secretly glad that she was here.

"Hey, I got a plane for you. You could at least be a bit more pleased to see me!" Susan laughed.

"I am," Mark said. "Anyway, I thought flying didn't bother you now, after seeing the hypnotist?"

"It doesn't," Susan said, unconvincingly. Mark looked at her, raising his eyebrows.

"Ok, ok. I maybe still get a bit freaked. It's not easy concentrating on breathing as well as thinking happy thoughts when you're thousands of feet in the air!" Susan exclaimed.

Mark laughed. "Happy thoughts?"

"Yeah, you know. Babies, pretty flowers, beautiful landscapes…"

"Raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens…" Mark interrupted.

Susan smiled. "Thoracotomies, internal cardiac massage…" she continued.

"The Bulls winning this year…"

"That's a good one," Susan laughed. Mark was laughing too.

"Hey, listen, with everything that's been going on, I haven't told you my good news," Susan said. "I'm…"

"Susan?"

Elizabeth was stood at the door, surprised to see Susan sat at Mark's bedside. Mark hadn't mentioned that she was coming.

"Hi, Elizabeth," Susan said. "How are you?"

"Oh, well, I'm ok now," Elizabeth said, coming in and sitting on the other side of the bed and leaning across to kiss Mark.

"I bet," said Susan.

"How are you feeling?" Elizabeth asked Mark.

"I'm ok. Bit tired," Mark replied.

"Oh, well, maybe we should let you get some rest," Elizabeth said, looking at Susan.

Susan took the hint. "I'd better get going. My flight's in a couple of hours and I promised Susie I'd buy her a souvenir."

"Are you sure you can't stay a bit longer?" Mark asked, disappointed that they had been interrupted.

"I should go, let you get some rest," Susan said, placing her hand on his arm. "Just take it easy, ok? I don't need a shock like this again."

Mark smiled. "Thanks for coming."

"Anytime," Susan said. She bent down and kissed him on the forehead, forgetting that Elizabeth was sat right in front of them. As she stood up, she saw Elizabeth glaring at her. Trying to ease the situation, Susan said goodbye and made a quick exit.

The next couple of months continued to be rough for Mark. He and Elizabeth were arguing over petty things, and Elizabeth constantly accused Mark of being selfish. Mark felt that after everything he had been through recently, he was entitled to put himself first, while Elizabeth argued that that was not the right attitude to have in a relationship.

Mark could not escape the nagging at work either. His colleagues had noted a change in his personality and Kerry had taken it as far as forcing him into taking competency tests. He had taken great pleasure in waving his results in her face when he had passed, although this did nothing to alter people's opinions that he had changed since the surgery.

The only person Mark felt understood how he was feeling was Susan. She would listen quietly on the phone as he listed his complaints, agreeing and disagreeing with him when he sought her opinion.

Mark was now stood in his kitchen, calling Susan to tell her his results, but he could only get through to the answer phone.

"Hi, I'm not here at the moment. Or I'm screening my calls to avoid you. Whatever, just leave a message after the tone."

Mark put down the phone, preferring to speak to her so that he could hear her reaction. Instead, he tried Doug and Carol. They had been equally supportive over the past few months.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Doug, it's Mark," he said.

"Hey buddy, how's it going?" Doug asked.

"Good. I got my competency results today," Mark said.

"And?"

"I passed, of course!" Mark answered.

"Good for you," Doug said, sounding slightly distracted.

"Is everything ok your end?" Mark asked. "Carol? And the girls?"

"Yeah, mate, they're fine," Doug said. "Listen, I can't really talk, I'm just on my way to work."

"No problem, I just wanted to let you know my results," Mark said. "And I wanted to say thanks, you know, for being such a good friend recently. You and Carol."

"Hey, what are friends for?" Doug said.

"Speaking of friends, have you heard from Susan recently? I've been trying to call her these past couple of days and all I ever do is get her answer phone."

"Oh, um, Susan? I, uh…"

Mark could hear voices in the background.

"Susan's actually here," Doug eventually said. "She came to stay for a couple of days. She wants to talk to you."

Mark waited as Doug passed across the phone to Susan. He was sure he heard Doug ask if she was sure, but the next voice he heard was Susan's.

"Hey, Mark, congratulations!" she said, somewhat half-heartedly. "You must be really happy."

"I am," Mark said. "Are you ok, you sound funny?"

"Oh, um, I'm fine. Just hungover. You know what me and Carol are like when we're together," Susan replied quickly.

"Yeah, I can imagine," Mark laughed. He paused, expecting Susan to banter with him as they usually did, but she was strangely quiet.

"So, are you staying with Doug and Carol for long?" Mark asked, unsure why it was taking so much effort to make conversation.

"Um, I'm not sure," Susan answered. "I've got some holiday to take. I haven't decided what to do with it yet."

"Well, you can always come and visit Chicago if you want. I'd be happy to put you up for a while," Mark offered.

"Oh, thanks. We'll see," Susan said, in a non-committal voice. "Look, I'd better go. Carol needs some help with the twins."

"Ok, well I'll speak to you soon," Mark said.

"Bye, Mark," Susan said, hanging up the phone before Mark could say goodbye.

It was a couple of weeks later, after this strange conversation, that Mark came home to find a rather rushed message from Susan on his answer phone.

"Hey, Mark, it's Susan. Listen, I've decided to move back to Chicago. Can't stand the heat any more! Um, I don't suppose there are any jobs going at County? I could do with you pulling a few strings for me. Call me when you get this message, I'll be at home."


	5. There's No Place Like Home

**_Chapter Five – There's No Place Like Home_**

Susan stood outside the hospital. It held a lot of memories for her – most of them good, some of them not so good. It had been five years since she had been inside its walls, and now she was back. She made her way inside, passing a very crowded waiting area, and up to the front desk, where she was greeted by an overweight desk clerk.

"Hi, I'm here to see Dr Greene," she said.

"Who are you?" he asked, bluntly.

"Susan?" came a voice, before she could answer. Susan turned to see a young doctor smiling at her.

"Hey, Carter," Susan said, as he hugged her. "How are you?"

"I'm good, how are you? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I'm here to see Anspaugh about a job," Susan said.

"Really? That's great!" Carter said, enthusiastically. Susan had been one of his teachers when he was a medical student, and he had always had a lot of respect for her.

"I can see things haven't changed much," Susan said, pointing at the mass of patients waiting to be seen.

"Some things have. Did you know I changed from surgery to emergency medicine?"

"I know, I heard. Good for you," Susan replied. Although she had a lot of respect for surgeons, she had always preferred a less invasive approach to medicine and often felt that surgeons would push surgery just to get their hands dirty.

Carter laughed. "Speaking of surgery…" he said, nodding his head in the direction behind Susan's shoulder.

Susan turned to see Peter Benton approaching, with a pretty young doctor.

"Susan Lewis. Now there's a face I haven't seen I a long time. Just visiting?" Peter asked.

"Afraid not, Peter. I'm here for a job," Susan replied.

"Yeah? God pity us poor surgeons," Peter joked. "Oh, Susan this is Cleo Finch. Cleo, this is Susan Lewis. She used to work here."

"You must like it here to be coming back?" Cleo said. "Not sure I can guess what that is though!"

Susan laughed. Despite all its downfalls, Susan felt at home here.

They were interrupted by a trauma coming in, and all three doctors disappeared. Susan watched them go, thinking back to the days when Carter was a clumsy medical student and Peter was a jumped-up resident. Her thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in."

Susan smiled as Haleh came up and embraced her.

"You're looking good, girl," Haleh said.

"Thanks, do you think I'll make a good impression for my interview?" Susan asked.

"Job interview? Here?" Haleh laughed. "Girl, you must be crazy coming back!"

"So everyone keeps telling me," Susan said. "Have you seen Mark?"

"He's in trauma 2. We just had a big one come in. Speaking of which, I've got to get these to Dr Benton before he screams the place down for them."

Susan watched as Haleh hurried away. She walked down the hallway towards trauma room 2, the route surprisingly familiar to her. She stood outside for a while, watching Mark at work. He was clearly still a great doctor.

Noticing the time, she stuck her head round the door.

"Hey, Mark," she said. Mark looked up.

"Hey! Sorry, am I late?" he asked.

"Yeah, but I'll forgive you! Listen, I'm going to go upstairs and wait. Can we catch up afterwards, when you're a little less busy?"

"Sure, come and find me when you're done. Good luck!"

"Thanks," Susan smiled. As she moved out of the trauma room, she bumped into Elizabeth, who was on her way to help with the trauma.

"Oh, hello," Elizabeth said. She was still unsure of Susan, especially as she had travelled all the way to New York to visit Mark when he was sick.

"Hi, Elizabeth," Susan said.

"You're looking very smart," Elizabeth said, as she looked at Susan's outfit and feeling slightly self-conscious about her own scruffy image.

"I'm here for a job interview," Susan replied. "I'm just on my way up there now."

"Oh yes, Mark mentioned you were hoping to come back here," Elizabeth said, as one of the nurses knocked on the window to beckon her in. "Well, I'd better go. Good luck."

"Thanks," Susan said.

Susan made her way up to Anspaugh's office. She had already spoken to him on the telephone and he had made it clear that he was keen for her to rejoin the staff. The meeting was a mere formality, although she had to meet the approval of the Chief of Staff. She had also been warned that Kerry Weaver was going to be there. Susan and Kerry had rarely seen eye-to-eye when they had been working together, and Susan was worried that Kerry would make it difficult for her to come back.

Susan did not need to be worried. The Chief of Staff, Robert Romano, appeared to like her despite some of his biting comments. And although Kerry was a little distant, as usual, she also seemed keen for Susan to return. Susan guessed this was simply because they were so short-staffed, but she didn't care. She was just glad to be able to come back to County.

Susan made her way back downstairs to the ER. Mark was stood at the desk talking to a nurse. He smiled when he saw her.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"You're looking at County's newest member of staff!" Susan said.

"That's great," Mark said, hugging her. "No problems with Kerry then?"

"No, she was actually…nice," Susan laughed.

"Wonders will never cease," Mark joked. "So, do you want to start now? Abby here has a guy who thinks he's a vegetable. Abby, meet Susan Lewis."

Susan laughed. "What kind of vegetable?"

"A turnip," Abby answered.

"Bad choice. Turnips bring me out in a rash!" Susan laughed.

"Call psych. Try and turf him as soon as possible," Mark said to Abby. "I'll be over at Doc Magoo's if anyone wants me."

Mark and Susan made their way across the street to Doc Magoo's and sat down in one of the booths.

"So, what's it like being back?" Mark asked.

"It's kind of weird," Susan admitted.

"Good weird or bad weird?"

"Definitely good weird. So much about it has changed, but it's still the same place it always was. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes...kind of," Mark laughed. He looked across the table, watching Susan as she studied the menu. There was something different about her. She smiled, but she'd lost the sparkle in her eyes. Susan looked up and caught him looking at her.

"What?" she asked.

"Are you going to tell me why you suddenly decided to move back to Chicago?" Mark asked.

Susan dropped her head and pretended to read her menu, trying to avoid eye contact.

"It's complicated. I don't want to talk about it," she said, quietly, wishing she could open up to him, to tell him how broken her heart was.

"Susan…"

"Mark, please," Susan pleaded. She looked up at him, and he could see pain in her eyes; the same pain he'd seen years ago when Chloe had taken Little Susie back.

"I'm sorry," he said, backing down. "It's just, I can tell there's something wrong. And I just want to help."

"Trust me, there's nothing you could do," Susan said, her voice full of regret.

They were interrupted by the waitress, who brought over their coffees. Susan was glad of the distraction, and Mark decided to let the conversation go. It was obvious that whatever Susan's reasons for returning to Chicago, or more so leaving Phoenix, she was not ready to discuss them.

"So, how are things with Elizabeth?" Susan asked, changing the subject.

Mark's face lit up. "Oh my God, I can't believe I forgot to tell you!" Mark said, excitedly. "Elizabeth's pregnant!"

For a second, Mark thought he saw Susan's face drop, but this was quickly followed by a big smile. Five years ago, Mark would have seen through the smile, but he was too preoccupied with his good news to notice.

"Congratulations," Susan said. "I'm really pleased for you."

"I'm so happy!" Mark exclaimed. "And I'm going to do a better job of it this time around."

"Mark, you were always a good father to Rachel," Susan said, understanding what he was referring to. "And you will be again."

"I hope so," Mark said. "I'm really glad you're going to be around when the baby comes."

Susan smiled her fake smile again. Suddenly, Mark's beeper went off.

"That's me," Mark sighed. "I've got to get back to the hospital."

"No rest for the wicked, hey?" Susan said.

"Tell me about it," Mark said.

They made their way outside and could hear the sound of a distant ambulance.

"When do you start?" Mark asked.

"Monday. They gave me a few more days to unpack," Susan answered. "I could do with a month, though, with all the junk I've got."

Mark laughed. "I'm working Monday, so I'll see you then."

"I'll look forward to it," Susan said, genuinely.

"Me too," Mark said, winking, and with that he ran off to the ambulance bay.

Susan watched. It wouldn't be long now until she could get on with her life, leaving behind her past.


	6. First Day Back

**Disclaimer: I don't own ER or any of these characters, etc. I also don't own the lines I've stolen from the show!**

**I've attempted to write a trauma scene, but since I know nothing about the medical world, it might not be accurate – but I hope you get what's going on.**

****

**_Chapter Six – First Day Back_**

Susan took a deep breath as she stood behind the door that lead from the doctor's lounge to the ER. It was her first day back at County and she was feeling nervous. Telling herself not to be stupid, she opened the door and saw a gurney fly past. As she stepped into the corridor, she heard a familiar voice.

"I heard it but I didn't believe it!"

Susan smiled. "Malik!"

Susan laughed as Malik ran over, picked her up and spun her around.

"We missed you!" he said, flashing his usual cheeky grin.

"I missed you too," Susan replied, as they walked over to the desk.

"Dr Lewis, welcome back!" Jerry said.

"Thank you, Jerry," Susan said. "So, what have you got for me?"

"Mmm, do you want an easy start or do you want to be thrown into the deep end?" Jerry asked, flicking through the charts.

"There's a patient in curtain area three suffering from constipation. I think it sounds like the perfect first day back patient," came a voice from behind them. "Good morning, Susan."

"Good morning, Mark. Remind me, why didn't they cut out your sense of humour when they were hacking away at your brains?"

Mark laughed. "No? Ok, give it to Carter," he said to Jerry, making them all laugh.

"Don't you people have work to do?"

Kerry Weaver was approaching the desk. Malik made a quick exit, while Jerry started fiddling with some papers, trying to look busy.

"Glad to see nothing changes," Susan whispered to Mark.

"Oh, Susan, welcome back," Kerry said.

"Thanks," Susan said.

"Have you signed up for any patients yet?"

"Oh, um, I was just checking in with Jerry," Susan stuttered.

"Well, there's a girl in exam two with stomach ache," Kerry said, handing her a chart.

Susan took the chart, and with one last roll of the eyes at Mark, she made her way to exam room two.

An hour later, Mark was stood at the admit desk when Susan came over and slammed her charts on the top with a heavy sigh. Mark looked up.

"Having a good day?" he asked.

"Remind me why I came back here?" Susan asked, frustrated.

"Oh, I don't know, the peeling paint, the frequent flyers, the lousy pay," Mark joked. "What's up?"

"I've just sent a fifteen year old girl who's pregnant. And she thinks she's lucky because she has an ectopic pregnancy and so has to have an abortion. Without sounding like an old grump, I just can't believe kids these days."

"Wow, it didn't take you long to get back into the doom and gloom of things. I think I know what you need," Mark said, picking up a gown. "How about a nice, bloody trauma?"

Susan looked up at Mark, raising her eyebrows. "How bloody?"

"Bucket loads!"

Susan smiled. "Ok, you're on," she said, just as the doors swung open.

"We've got an 43 year old male here, involved in an MVA," said Doris.

Susan followed Mark into trauma room one. They were joined by Abby, Haleh and Chuny.

"Ok, on my count. 1…2…3" Mark said.

"Let's hang some 0-neg, and type and cross four more," Susan said.

"B.P.'s low, 80 over 40," Abby said. "Hold on, he's going into arrest."

Mark started compressions.

"He's not breathing," Chuny said.

"Intubation kit," Susan said, going round to the top of the table. "7.5 ET tube."

"This isn't working," Mark said, watching the monitor. "Let's get a thoracotomy tray."

Susan and Mark were both on the right side of the patient. Mark made the incision in the chest.

"Rib spreaders," Susan said, holding out her hand ready to take them.

"Clamp," said Mark. "And lets get some suction in here."

Mark and Susan were bent over the patient, working together in perfect sync just as they always had. They didn't notice Elizabeth come in.

"Did you need me in here?" she asked.

"No, try next door," Mark said, without looking up. "Come on, where is it? Ah, got it!"

"He's in fib," Halah said.

"Internal paddles," Susan said. Abby passed her the paddles. "Clear!"

They all looked up at the monitor, as the line started to move.

"He's got a rhythm," Abby said.

"That's what I like to see," Mark said, smiling at Susan. "Let's move him upstairs."

Mark and Susan wheeled the patient out the door, leaving Abby, Haleh and Chuny to tidy up.

"Looks like some things never change," Chuny said. Haleh responded with a knowing look. Only Abby was aware that Elizabeth had just put her head around the door. She left without saying a word, and walked over to the reception where she found Susan and Carter laughing.

"Have you seen Mark?" she asked.

"He's just taken a patient up to the OR," Susan replied.

"Can you ask him to come find me when you see him, please?" Elizabeth asked.

"Sure," Susan said, as Elizabeth walked away.

Carter looked at Susan. "Did I sense some tension there?"

Susan shook her head, in slight exasperation. "It doesn't seem to matter what I say or do, she seems to have some problem with me."

"I wonder why?" Carter said, sarcastically.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Susan asked.

"Nothing," Carter laughed. "It's just, you know."

"No, do you want to tell me what I'm missing?"

"It's just, you and Mark. There's always been something between you," Carter answered.

"Mark and I are friends. We've only ever been friends," Susan said.

"Yeah, in action. But what about thought?"

Susan was quiet. Carter could sense he was nearly overstepping the line.

"Look, friendship or otherwise, you and Mark have always been close. Who wouldn't be jealous of that?"

"You think Elizabeth is jealous?" Susan asked, surprised.

Carter laughed again. "Susan, you flew to New York to be with him when he was having brain surgery. Who else did?"

Susan was silent again. They were interrupted by Chuny.

"Hey Carter, your old guy in curtain three is coming around."

"Thanks, Chuny," Carter said, starting to move. "Elizabeth'll get used to it. If you and Mark are just friends, then she has nothing to worry about, does she?"

Susan watched Carter walking away, lost in her own thoughts. She knew she was glad to be back in Chicago, glad to be back in Mark's company, but was it any more than that? Susan had dated in Phoenix, and one had developed into a serious relationship, but for some reason it hadn't been enough. Was Mark the reason none of these relationships had worked out? Susan didn't know. It was too late now, anyway. Mark had Elizabeth and they were going to have a baby.

"Dr Lewis?" Abby interrupted Susan's thoughts.

"Mmm? Sorry, Abby, I was in a world of my own," Susan said, shaking her head.

"There's a little girl in curtain two with asthma. Could you take a look at her?"

"Sure," Susan said, following Abby and pushing her thoughts into the back of her mind. _'The last thing I needs right now is more complications.'_

As the day continued, Susan settled into her usual way of working. Her quick diagnostic skills, her easy banter with the patients and her usual upbeat temperament brought, as Lydia pointed out, a breath of fresh air to the ER. She even found time to debate with Dr Benton as to whether medicine or surgery was the best treatment for a cardiac patient.

By the end of her first shift, Susan was exhausted. She'd forgotten how fast-paced working in a County hospital could be and she was counting the minutes until she could go home and relax.

When she was finished with her last patient, a Mr Summers who had swallowed his false teeth, she made her way to the lounge.

"Susan!" Kerry called after her.

Susan turned around, dreading what was coming next.

"I need you to cover for Chen tonight, she's gone home with a fever of 104," Kerry said.

"Please tell me you are joking," Susan pleaded, hoping that she was being wound up.

"Sorry," Kerry replied, and she continued on her way without giving Susan a chance to refuse.

Susan hung her head and sighed.

"Hey, what's up?" Mark asked.

"It's my first day back and Kerry's already roped me into pulling a double," Susan moaned.

"Great!" Mark said.

Susan looked at him, clearly not impressed with his response.

"What I mean is," he said, putting his arm around her shoulders and steering her back to the desk, "is that I get the pleasure of your company tonight."

"You're working too?" Susan looked up and asked.

"Yep."

All of a sudden, working the grave yard shift didn't seem so bad after all – to either of them.


	7. A Familiar Face

**_Chapter Seven – A Familiar Face_**

Mark and Susan had been on their lunch break, talking and laughing about old times. As they made their way downstairs they continued joking. When they reached the ER they were surprised to see a group of security guards surrounding someone or  something Mark and Susan couldn't see. With them was Kerry.

"Wow, whoever knew we had so many security guards in the whole hospital, let alone the ER," Mark commented.

"Hey Randi, what's going on?" Susan asked when they reached the desk.

"Some patient went crazy at Dr Pratt," Randi replied, taking a lolly out of her mouth long enough to reply before placing it back in her mouth and returning to her magazine.

"Is he ok?" Mark asked.

"He's got a black eye and a cut on his eyebrow, but nothing too serious. He thinks it makes her look more macho," she answered.

Mark and Susan stood watching the commotion as Kerry barked orders at the security guards. The patient in question had clearly relented in his struggle and, flanked by three burly security guards, Kerry led him towards a private room. As he walked past the desk, Mark and Susan were shocked to see who the patient was. They looked at each other, their eyebrows raised.

"Hey, Kerry," Susan called. "Hey, Kerry!"

"Put him in there and make sure he's put in restraints," Kerry ordered, nodding towards an empty room, before turning her attention to Susan. "What?"

"That patient, is he the one who attacked Pratt?" Susan asked. 

Kerry nodded.

"Are you sure?" Mark asked.

"Yes, of course I'm sure," Kerry replied, indignantly. "I saw it with my own eyes."

"Was he provoked?" Mark asked.

"What's with all the questions?" Kerry asked back, starting to get irritated.

"It's just, that's Patrick," Mark answered, not really knowing what else to say.

"You know this patient?" Kerry asked.

Mark and Susan both nodded.

"He was a patient here years ago. A sweet kid, harmless really. I can't believe he would hurt anyone," Susan said.

"Yeah, well, you'd better ask Dr Pratt," Kerry said. "He's in curtain 2, getting his head stitched up."

"What happened?" Mark asked.

"Pratt was treating him for a cut to his arm, when he went crazy," Kerry said, starting to get impatient with all the questions.

"But Kerry," Susan started.

"Susan, he attacked a member of staff. That's something I won't stand for, even if it is Dr Pratt. Now leave it alone," Kerry said, and with that she turned around and left.

Susan watched her walk away, shaking her head. "There's something not right about this," she said to Mark.

They both looked at Patrick through the window to his room. He was sat tied to a gurney, his shoulders slumped, looking sad and vulnerable. Susan grabbed a pair of surgical gloves and started walking towards the room.

"Susan, where are you going?" Mark asked.

"Someone's got to stitch up his arm," she answered, looking over her shoulder at Mark, who followed her into the room.

"Hey, Patrick," Susan said.

Patrick looked up at the sound of his name and his face lit up as he recognised Susan. Susan smiled gently at him and, grabbing a stool, sat down next to him. Mark stood back, watching silently.

"I've come to take care of your arm. Is that ok?" Susan asked.

Patrick looked scared, but nodded. Susan started cleaning his wound. Patrick winced as she touched it, and he tried to pull back, but couldn't because his wrists remained tied to the gurney. Susan looked at Mark, who nodded.

"Let's take these off, eh?" she said softly. She undid the restraints and continued to stitch Patrick's arm.

"Patrick, I need to ask you some questions," she said cautiously. Patrick turned his face away from Susan, as if trying to hide.

"I'm s…s…sorry," he said.

"Sorry for what, Patrick?" Susan asked.

"I, I didn't m…mean to," he said, starting to get upset.

"It's ok," Susan said, reassuringly. "Patrick, why did you get upset with Dr Pratt?"

Patrick didn't answer.

"Patrick? Did he say something to upset you?"

Patrick turned to look at Susan, his puppy dog eyes staring her straight in the face.

"He wanted t…to send me b…b…back," Patrick said.

"Back where? With your parents?" Susan asked.

Patrick shook his head. "To, to the h…home."

Susan looked at Mark, confused. Mark picked up his chart which lay at the end of the bed.

"It says here that Patrick's parents put him in a home four years ago, before moving to Texas," Mark said in a lowered voice.

Susan turned back to Patrick.

"Don't you like your home, Patrick?" Susan asked.

Patrick shook his head and started playing with the bandage on his arm.

"Why not?" Susan asked.

Patrick remained silent, and started rocking backwards and forwards, scared.

"Patrick…" Susan said, placing her hand on his back. Patrick flinched. Susan removed her hand, quickly.

"Ok. It's ok," Susan soothed. "Patrick, tell me why you don't like your home? Do they hurt you?"

Patrick nodded, continuing to rock.

"How? How do they hurt you?" Susan persevered with her questions, feeling that she was starting to get closer to the truth.

"It h…hurts," Patrick stuttered.

"Where? On your back? Can I see?"

Patrick shook his head, no, and edged away from Susan. She stood up and moved closer.

"Please, Patrick, let me see. I promise I won't hurt you," she said.

She pulled up his jumper and gasped when she saw cigarette burns, some old and some new, covering his back. She looked at Mark, who moved closer to see.

"Who did this Patrick?" Mark asked. "Someone who lives with you at the home?"

Patrick shook his head.

"Someone who works there?"

Before Patrick could answer, they were interrupted by Kerry, whose face appeared round the door.

"Mark, Susan, can I have a word with you outside," she said, angrily. "Now!"

Susan pulled Patrick's sweater back down over his back.

"Stay here, Patrick, ok," Susan ordered. "We'll be right back."

Mark and Susan followed Kerry outside, knowing that they were in trouble.

"What the hell were you doing?" Kerry exploded at them. "I told you to leave it alone."

"Kerry, he didn't mean to hurt Pratt. He was scared," Susan said.

"I don't care if he meant it or not, Susan, the fact is he did it," Kerry said. "And you deliberately ignored me by going in there and taking his restraints off. What was to stop him from attacking you too, or someone else in the hospital?"

"He wouldn't," Susan argued, exasperated that Kerry wasn't listening to her.

"Look, Susan, I'm the Chief of Emergency Medicine and…"

"You're pulling rank on me now, Kerry?" Susan exclaimed, looking at Mark and wishing he would back her up instead of standing quietly, watching as they argued in the middle of the ER.

"Yes. Now I don't want you going near that patient, do you understand?" Kerry said.

Susan stood with her arms folded, defiantly. Kerry sighed.

"Fine," she said. She turned to the security guards. "I want him back in restraints."

"No!" Susan cried, as the security guards bustled into the room and started restraining Patrick, who was whimpering.

"Susan!" Kerry yelled, as Susan rushed past her into Patrick's room. Susan ignored her.

"Stop it, you're scaring him," she said to the security guards. Despite being half the size of him, she managed to push past one of the security guards to reach Patrick, who was cowering on the gurney. "Stop touching his back, it hurts."

Susan struggled unsuccessfully with the security guards, until a voice interrupted them.

"That's enough!" shouted Mark. He walked over to the gurney and started untying the restraints.

"Mark, he needs to be restrained," Kerry said.

"No, he doesn't," Mark said firmly. Kerry gave up. While she could assert her authority over most members of staff, she knew that fighting would Mark would get her nowhere. She left, followed by the security guards.

"He speaks," Susan said to Mark, slightly annoyed.

"I thought you women liked the strong silent type," Mark joked.

Susan couldn't help but smile. She was grateful for his help really, even if it was a bit late coming.

"Strong?" Susan questioned, light-heartedly. "Where were you when I was taking on an army of security men?"

"An army?" Mark laughed. "Typical woman, exaggerating as usual. Besides, you looked like you were enjoying yourself."

"Ha! Typical man, thinking he's something he's not," Susan laughed back.

"You're just envious of these muscles," Mark said, flexing his arm.

"Muscles? What muscles?" Susan joked, as she felt his biceps. "I've seen more muscles in a French restaurant!"

Their jibes continued as together they treated the burns on Patrick's back. They both knew they were flirting but neither of them cared – they were enjoying themselves too much. Eventually, Mark got called away to a trauma, leaving Susan to find somewhere to house Patrick, before her shift ended at 8pm.

Mark, who was working the graveyard shift that night, caught Susan just as she was leaving.

"You off?" he asked.

"Yep. 18 hours and my feet are killing me," Susan complained. "Are you working another grave yard shift?"

"Yeah, we're still short staffed," Mark answered. "Where's Patrick?"

"At the admit desk, helping Randi," Susan said.

All of a sudden there was a crashing sound as they heard all the charts fall to the floor.

"What did Randi do to deserve that?" Mark asked, laughing.

"He's waiting to be picked up. I found him a foster home, it's got a good reputation, he should be ok there," Susan said.

"Good, I'm glad," Mark said. Susan nodded in agreement.

"How did you find it?" Mark asked.

"Kerry gave me the number," Susan answered.

Mark raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"I know," Susan laughed. "Listen, I really want to go home. Can you keep an eye on Patrick for me until he leaves?"

"Sure," Mark said.

"Thanks. Goodnight, Mark."

"Goodnight, Susan."

Exhausted by the days events, Susan went home to a bottle of wine and a hot bath full of bubbles, where she found herself daydreaming about how large Mark's biceps actually were…!

Muscles – mussels – get it??? Ok, I know, I'm crap at jokes!


	8. The Past Always Catches Up With You

**I hope everyone had a good Christmas and Santa was good to you all!**

**Special thanks to Ebstarr!**

****

**_Chapter Eight – The Past Always Catches Up With You_**

It was a hot summer's day in Chicago and the air conditioning had broken in the hospital, leaving everyone feeling irritable. Coupled with her pregnancy, Elizabeth was in a very bad mood, as Mark was discovering.

"Well, how long is she going to be staying with us?" Elizabeth was asking Mark, sounding irritated.

"I don't know. She's not getting on well with Jen at the moment, they both need a break from each other," Mark replied. "Maybe until Christmas."

"Christmas? Mark, we've got a new baby on the way," Elizabeth moaned.

"Elizabeth, Rachel's my daughter as well," Mark replied, annoyed that Elizabeth was acting so resentful. "She's welcome to stay with me any time."

"Well, if you've already decided, why did you bother asking me?" Elizabeth snapped.

"Oh dear, are you two having a lover's spat?" Romano asked as he was walking past.

"Oh, shut up Robert," Elizabeth snapped at him too, before walking away.

Mark and Elizabeth had been stood next to a large fan at the admit desk in the ER, trying to cool down. It was the coolest spot in the ER and everyone was making an excuse to walk past and stop in front of it.

"Mark, are you still going to the conference in Phoenix tonight?" Kerry asked as she passed by the fan.

"Yes, I am but Elizabeth can't come. She's been suffering from high blood pressure from the pregnancy so she's going to take it easy at home," Mark replied.

"Well, there's a spare plane ticket if you can find someone else to go with you," Kerry said. "There's no point in wasting a space, it's going to be an interesting conference."

Mark rolled his eyes. His idea of interesting and Kerry's idea of interesting were very different. "So why aren't you going?"

Kerry ignored him.

"Extra ticket? What's the conference about?" Carter asked.

"Modern Management in an Emergency Room – How to Get the Most Out of Your Staff" Mark replied, a complete lack of emotion in his face.

Carter laughed. "Keep it!"

Just then, Susan came into the ER, her hair damp from sweat. She laughed when she saw Mark stood in front of the fan.

"If you think this is hot, wait until you're in Phoenix," she said. "It's this hot in the shade and twice as hot when you're out in the sun!"

Mark groaned.

"Hey, Mark's got a spare ticket, why don't you go with him?" Carter said.

Mark's face lit up. "Yeah, why don't you?"

"What about Elizabeth?" Susan asked.

"She's not coming anymore," Mark replied. "Go on, you can catch up with Chloe and Little Susie while you're there."

"No thanks, I think I'll pass," Susan said. She'd run away from Phoenix and she wasn't ready to go back.

"Please? I could do with the company," Mark pleaded. "I don't know how you got out of going in the first place, you must have got into Kerry's good books."

"I'll think about it," Susan promised, not intending to keep it.

The hot weather had caused an influx of patients into the ER. The waiting area was full but it was too hot for anyone to work very fast. Even the patients were vying for the attention of the fan. Susan also was taking breaks in front of the fan. Five years in Arizona and she still wasn't used to the heat.

"Help! Help me!" suddenly came a scream.

Susan looked up to see a young woman carrying a small baby. She rushed across and took the bundle from the woman's arms.

"Conni, I need you," Susan shouted.

Conni followed as Susan took the baby into a trauma room.

"What happened?" Susan asked the mother, as she intubated the baby.

"I don't know," the mother said. There were tears streaming down her face. "I thought he was asleep."

"How long has he been like this?"

"I don't know," the mother answered, distraught. "Please, please help him."

Conni hooked the baby up to the monitor, which showed a flatline.

"Ma'am, I need you to wait outside," Susan said. She started to press down on the baby's chest with her fingers, hoping that there would be some sign of life on the monitor.

"No! I want to stay with him, please," the mother begged.

Susan continued the compressions with one hand and used the other to wipe away the beads of sweat that were on her forehead.

"Come on," she pleaded under her breath. "Come on."

Susan and Conni continued working on the baby for fifteen minutes, the monitor never changing from the flatline.

"Susan," Conni said quietly. "Susan, it's been fifteen minutes."

Susan looked up and Conni was taken aback by the painful expression on her face. There were traces of tears in her eyes. She didn't stop pressing on the baby's chest until Conni put her hand on hers. She stopped.

"What are you doing?" the woman screamed. "Help him!"

"I'm sorry, I can't," Susan said. "He's dead."

"No!" the woman screamed. She began to shake and Susan quickly moved towards her when she saw that the woman's legs were about to buckle under her.

"I'm sorry," Susan repeated, catching the woman before she fell. Tears were forming in Susan's eyes but she blinked them back, trying to focus on this woman's pain rather than her own.

When the woman eventually stopped crying, Susan led her towards the gurney where the baby lay.

"Can I hold him?" the woman asked.

"Of course," Susan said. She lifted the lifeless body, placing it in the woman's arms and then took a step back. As she watched this scene, Susan began to feel choked up. Before she could think, she could feel her legs taking her out of the trauma room and into the ladies toilets. She locked herself in one of the cubicles and let the tears take over.

When her eyes were dry and she had washed her face with cold water, she emerged from the toilets and went to find Mark. She found him in the hall looking at some x-rays. He looked up when he saw her coming. He could see that her eyes were red from crying.

"Hey, are you ok?" he asked, concerned. "I heard about the baby. Conni was worried about you."

"Do you still have that spare ticket to Phoenix?" Susan asked, straight to the point.

"Er, yes."

"Can I have it?"

"Sure." Mark was concerned. Susan was acting strangely and he could see that she was upset.

"Thanks," Susan said. With that, she turned around and walked away.                

The day stayed busy and Mark didn't have time to check up on Susan again, although he was still worried about her. He found her waiting at the front desk at the end of his shift.

_'She looks so sad,'_ he thought. His instinct told him to wrap her up in his arms, but something stopped him. This was probably Elizabeth. Her bad mood got ten times worse when she heard that Susan was going to Phoenix with him, even though he had tried to explain to her that she was jumping to conclusions. It hadn't helped that he no idea of what was going on himself, making it hard to explain.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Mark asked as they left the hospital.

Susan looked at him. She ached to tell him, but she just couldn't find the words, it hurt too much so she just shook her head.

"I can't," she said, starting to choke up again. "I'm sorry, not right now."

After stopping at Susan's apartment to collect some things for the trip, Mark and Susan made their way to the airport. Susan was silent, only speaking when she had to. "Yes", "No", "Please", "Thank you". They were the only words she could find.

Susan was dreading flying. On top of everything else she was feeling, flying was the last thing she wanted to do. Mark saw her struggling and in any other circumstances he would have laughed, like he always had, but instead he simply took her hand. Susan was grateful. It was such a simple act, yet it brought a lot of comfort to her.

They arrived in Phoenix late and went straight to the hotel. Susan stayed with the bags while Mark went to check in. He couldn't help but smile when he saw a cowboy behind the desk.

"Hi, my name's Mark Green. I'm here for the medical conference tomorrow," he said.

"Yep, Mr and Mrs Green right?" the cowboy said, looking over Mark's shoulder at Susan. "That's one fine looking wife you've got there."

Mark smiled for a second, nodding in agreement, before reality set in.

"Uh no, actually my wife couldn't make it. We need an extra room please."

"Sorry, we're fully booked for the next couple of nights because of this conference," the cowboy replied.

"Nothing? Can't we even swap it for a twin room instead of a double?" Mark asked.

"Nope, sorry, we've got absolutely nothing free," the cowboy said. "But hey, I can't imagine it'll be too difficult for you to wake up next to that face!"

Mark knew that this statement was more true than he would like to admit, which was perhaps why he was so desperate for some other sleeping arrangement.

"I guess we'll have to take it," Mark sighed.

He walked back over to Susan. 

"Everything ok?" she asked.

"Um, they don't have any spare rooms," Mark said, feeling awkward.

Susan looked at Mark. He looked so uncomfortable she had to bite her lip to stop herself from smiling.

"Well, you'd better not snore," she said.

Mark raised his eyebrows, surprised and relieved by her reaction. Always the gentleman, Mark picked up Susan's bag as well as his own and she followed him up to their room. They stood in the doorway with the double bed they were to share in front of them. Mark looked at Susan.

"Left or right, dear?" he joked.

Susan, who was exhausted, sighed. "I'm going to take a shower," she said. Dumping her stuff on the left side of the bed she grabbed her towel and disappeared into the bathroom.

Mark watched her move. He still had no idea what was going on but guessed that whatever it was that Susan had run away from, she was back to face it. Mark was tired after working all day. He got into bed and began reading over the booklet Kerry had given him about the conference.

When Susan came out of the bathroom she walked around to her side of the bed and smiled awkwardly at Mark as she climbed into bed with him.

"Interesting read?" she asked.

Mark gave her a look that clearly told her no. Susan laughed.

"So, tell me what we're supposed to learn about tomorrow?"

Mark looked surprised. "You're coming to the conference."

"Isn't that why we're here?" she said.

"That's why I'm here," Mark said. "I haven't figured out why you're here yet."

Susan looked at Mark. She knew he was after an explanation.

"Mark, I'm sorry, I'm just so tired. I don't think I can get into this tonight," Susan sighed. "I know you're worried and I know I'm being unfair by leaving you in the dark…"

"Susan, this isn't about me. It's about you. I just want to know what's going on in your head," Mark said.

Susan looked up at Mark and he saw the same pain in her eyes that Conni had seen that afternoon.

"I envy you, you know that?" Susan said, with a bittersweet smile. "I look at you and I envy you, because you have everything I've always wanted – someone you love and who loves you. Kids."

"You have Chloe and Little Susie, they're family," Mark said. "And as for marriage and children, you'll have them some day."

Susan almost choked as she burst into tears.

"I almost did," she said in between sobs.

Mark was shocked to Susan lose control over her emotions like this, but he reached over and, ignoring her resistance, pulled her into his body. Susan relented, glad of the comfort. Mark could feel Susan's body shaking as she cried.

When her eyes were eventually dry and sore, Susan lay exhausted in Mark's arms. She knew she should move, that it was unfair on Mark and on Elizabeth for her to stay wrapped up in his arms but she didn't want to. Mark didn't want her to either. Although he knew he shouldn't, he liked her in his arms, he liked that she needed him. And so they lay there, curled up together, as they fell asleep.


	9. Demons

**_Chapter Nine –Demons_**

The next morning Mark awoke to find Susan still lying peacefully in his arms. Not wanting to disturb her, he slid his arm out slowly from underneath her and quietly climbed out of bed. He went into the bathroom, ran the cold tap and splashed his face with water.

_'What are you thinking?'_ he asked himself.

He looked at his watch, which read 6.30am. Needing to clear his head, he left Susan a note and went for a run. Although it was early it was already hot. There was no cool breeze, only a humidity that hit you as soon as you stepped outside. As soon as Mark started to run the sweat began to fall from his forehead and his t-shirt became soaked.

All the time he was running his thoughts drifted between Susan and Elizabeth. He felt confused.

He had loved Susan once, more than he had ever loved anyone else, but she had left, breaking his heart in the process. Now she was back and they had fallen back into the ways of their friendship, joking and laughing together. By coincidence, or fate, they had worked so many shifts together recently that Mark had seen Susan more than Elizabeth, and it felt the same as it used to – but did that mean he was in love with her again? Was it possible for them to have a platonic friendship?

And then there was Elizabeth. Their friendship had gradually grown into something more and Mark loved her. But was he _in love _with her? This he wasn't sure of. Their relationship was more about companionship. Mark had been lonely after watching Rachel, then Susan, then Doug, and then Carol leave. And after her fling with Peter, Elizabeth had found herself in a foreign country with very few people she could class as friends. They had fallen into being together. Yet at his lowest point, when Mark was diagnosed with what most people believed to be an inoperable brain tumour, it had been Elizabeth who had fought to find someone who would be willing to attempt surgery. If she hadn't, Mark knew he wouldn't be here now. And now she was expecting his child. But did that mean they had to live a lie?

After nearly an hour Mark gave up and made his way back to the hotel, his thoughts no clearer. Susan was stood at the bathroom mirror tying her hair back.

"Hey," she said, feeling embarrassed. "Good run?"

"Hot," Mark answered, short of breath.

He stood at the bathroom door, panting. Susan looked at him expectantly. She raised her eyebrows as he stood looking at her, trying to catch his breath.

"Um, I need a shower," Mark said when he realised Susan was waiting for him to say something.

"Oh, sorry," Susan said, walking out of the bathroom. As she did, she brushed against Mark's arm. The electricity this action generated through them was intense, although neither of them realised the effect it had had on the other. Trying to avoid it, Mark disappeared into the bedroom and Susan finished getting ready.

That morning, Mark and Susan had to sit through a two hour seminar on modern management. It was the most boring thing either of them had ever sat through. Tired after his run, Mark's head kept dropping as he fell asleep and Susan had to keep poking his ribs to wake him up again. This made them both dissolve into giggles every time, much to the annoyance of a very stuck up lady in front of them who kept turning around to give them dirty looks.

At lunch, Mark found himself swept from conversation to conversation while Susan hung back. Every now and again, he would catch her eye and she would pull a stupid face at him, trying to break his concentration and make him laugh. She moved around the hall, looking at the various displays, when a voice interrupted her.

"Susan?"

Susan turned around to see a man stood behind her, aged in his fifties with a head of white hair.

"Neil," Susan said, flustered by seeing someone she knew. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you," he replied. "How are you? You left Phoenix so quickly, we didn't know what had happened to you."

Susan looked behind his shoulder to see the back of Mark's head, conscious that he was in earshot.

"Oh, um, I'm fine. I moved back to Chicago. I was homesick, I guess. How's work?" Susan asked, attempting to change the subject.

"Oh, the same as always," Neil said. "So how have you been? I see your sister around sometimes – Chloe, right? She doesn't say much when I ask after you."

"I've been good," Susan lied. She could feel her heart start to beat faster.

"Really? Because we've all be worried about you, after…"

"Really, I'm fine," Susan interrupted. "I'm sorry, I've got to go."

Susan stumbled across the hall and out of the door as fast as her legs could carry her. Her chest felt tight and she struggled to breathe. She made her way outside, desperate for fresh air. She sat down on the front steps, taking deep, slow breaths. She heard the sound of feet behind her.

"Susan? Are you ok?" It was Mark.

Susan shook her head. "I need to get out of here," she said.

Mark took Susan's hand in his and guided her down the steps towards the taxi rank outside. Mark opened the door and let Susan get in first, missing her tell the driver their destination. They were silent for the whole journey, but Mark continued to hold Susan's hand.

When the taxi eventually pulled up, Mark paid the fare and climbed out of the taxi to find himself at a cemetery. He looked at Susan, shocked. Susan looked up at him, the tears already starting to form, and their eyes locked for a second before Susan turned around and walked into the cemetery. Mark followed her through the mass of graves until they reached a small plot of land. Mark stood back as Susan knelt down next to the headstone, which read,

Emily Jennifer Dixon Born and died 15 March 2001 

"Who was she?" Mark asked. He had already guessed the answer.

"She was my baby," Susan said in barely a whisper. She lifted her hand to touch the headstone and spoke softly to the grave.

"Hi, baby. I'm sorry I haven't come to see you, I had to go away. But just because I haven't been around doesn't mean I haven't thought about you. Because I think about you everyday. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I miss you so much. My beautiful baby girl. I miss having you in my arms. I miss watching you learn to walk and talk. I miss watching you grow up. I'm so sorry, baby. I'm sorry I could protect you. I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

Susan broke down, crying, again. This time she was inconsolable. Mark came and sat down next to her, and she fell into his body. As the tears fell, Mark rubbed her back and stroked her hair, trying to soothe her. He didn't say anything. He knew that there were no words that he could say that would make her feel any better at this moment.

When Susan was eventually calm, she continued to lie in Mark's arms. He wanted to ask her what had happened, and why she had kept it a secret for so long, but he refused to let his curiosity get the better of him. Instead, he just held her and waited for her to tell him in her own time.

Susan lay in Mark's arms, her eyes shut. It hurt her to see the grave, it made it all so real. Her head moved against Mark's chest as he breathed in and out. She wanted to explain it all to him, she felt ready to talk about, but she was scared her voice wouldn't would fail her.

They sat there in silence. The only sound that could be heard was the rustling of the tree branches in the wind. Finally, Susan broke the silence.

"I'm sorry I dragged you into this," she said.

"I'm glad I'm here," Mark said.

"I guess I owe you an explanation," Susan said.

"Only if you're ready."

Susan took a deep breath before telling her story. "You know, when I found out I was pregnant, I don't think I've ever been so happy. It was the best Christmas present I could've asked for. Dix – he was her father, Charlie Dixon – he asked me to marry him on Christmas Day. He stumbled over the words and he didn't even have a ring," Susan smiled at the memory.

"You were pregnant when you came to New York," Mark said. "That's why you called after Christmas, to tell me."

"Yeah."

Mark couldn't believe that so much had happened that he had no clue about. Had he been so self-centred recently that he had failed to notice something like this?

"Go on," he urged Susan to continue.

"It was all going really well," Susan paused, the memories so painful. "Then, I was at work one day – the fifteenth of March – it was just a normal day. And this boy came in, he was only twelve, he, uh, he'd got hit by a car on his way home from school. He was a mess, too much internal bleeding and we couldn't save him. _I_ couldn't save him. So I, uh, went outside to find his parents and his father was stood in the waiting area. I tried to get him to go to a private room but he just stood there and he kept saying, _'just tell me where my boy is'_. So I told him, I gave him the usual speech, you know, _'we used all of our capabilities but we couldn't save him and he died'_. He just looked at me. I thought he wasn't going to react at all, and then he just went mad. He started screaming, and he came towards me and I couldn't do anything. I remember he pushed me against the desk and, God, it hurt so much. I fell on the floor and he kicked me over and over again."

A tear fell down Susan's cheek.

"I went into premature labour and they couldn't stop it. I was only nineteen weeks. She was born alive; she was a fighter, my little girl," Susan smiled slightly. "She only lived for seven minutes."

"I'm so sorry," Mark said. He didn't know what else to say. "I wish you'd told me before."

Susan sighed. "I wanted to. More than anyone, I wanted to tell you. But you were sick, and then you were having such a hard time at work. And when it happened, I didn't really talk to anybody. I thought leaving Phoenix would make it easier, but it still hurts. It hurts so much, I can't make it stop. I want it to stop."

Mark tightened his arms around Susan as she started to cry again. "I'm here. I'll help you now," he whispered in her ear.

Later, as the sun began to set, Mark left Susan alone to say goodbye. As he stood watching her talk to the grave, he felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. He felt like he had failed her. She had flown to New York to be with him when he was sick, but when she had needed him the most he had been too wrapped up in himself to notice that something was going on. When Susan had finished saying goodbye, they got back into a taxi. Mark took Susan's hand again, not knowing what else to do. The taxi took them to Chloe's house. They had just got out the taxi when the front door opened and a face appeared.

"Aunt Susie!"

Susan smiled. It was the first real smile Mark had seen on her face since she had come back to Chicago.

"Hey little one," Susan said as Little Susie ran towards her and into her outstretched arms. As Mark watched, another face appeared at the door.

"Susan?"

Mark was amazed. Susan had been right, he hardly recognised Chloe. It was the same face and the same straggly hair, but she now had a calmness and seriousness about her. Chloe hugged Susan tightly, almost motherly. It was the first time Mark had ever seen her act as the big sister.

Little Susie was stood by, her head tilted, looking at Mark. When Chloe released Susan from her embrace, she turned to Mark.

"Mark?"

Mark smiled. "Hi, Chloe," he said. He pretended not to see the quizzical look Chloe gave Susan, who frowned back at her.

"Susie, do you remember Mark? You met him at Carol and Doug's," Susan said, taking the little girl's hand.

Little Susie nodded. She stepped forward and held out her hand.

"Hello," she said.

Mark stretched out his hand to shake Susie's, but before he could take her hand she pulled it back and, with her thumb on her nose, her palm outstretched and her fingers wiggling, she stuck out her tongue, before dissolving into a fit of giggles. Mark laughed, grabbed her and started tickling her. Little Susie struggled out of his grasp and started to run away. Mark chased after her, leaving Susan and Chloe laughing at them. They wandered back into the house and into the kitchen.

"You should have told me you were coming," Chloe said. Her voice was filled with concern.

"It was a last minute thing," Susan said. "Mark was coming to Phoenix for a conference, and I figured it was about time I…"

"…stopped running away?" Chloe finished her sentence.

Susan smiled. "It's a family trait, I guess," she said, before getting serious. "I've been to cemetery to see Emily."

"How was it?" Chloe asked as she poured water into the kettle.

"Hard," Susan replied. "Oh, Chloe, these past few months have been so…I don't know."

Susan sighed and closed her eyes. She was exhausted, both physically and mentally.

"Suse?" Chloe said, touching Susan's arm with her hand.

"I'm just so tired, Chloe," Susan said.

"We've been worried about you," Chloe said. "_I've_ been worried about you."

"I know, I'm sorry," Susan apologised. "I just couldn't stay."

"I know. How long are you in town for?" Chloe asked.

"We're due to fly back tomorrow," Susan answered.

"You could stay longer, you know," Chloe said. "Take some time off work, spend some time with me and Little Susie…go see Dix."

Susan looked up at Chloe. "I don't know about that. We didn't exactly part on good terms. I wasn't very fair on him."

"You've got a lot to talk about," Chloe said. "At least think about it."

"I'll think about it," Susan promised.

They were distracted by Little Susie's screams outside. Chloe looked at Susan.

"So, Mark went with you to the graveyard?"

"Yeah," Susan said. "Hey, Chloe, can I crash here tonight?"

"Sure. I don't know why you didn't stay last night," Chloe answered.

"It was late. And I was trying to avoid talking about it last night," Susan said.

"Well, you're more than welcome to stay here, you know that. For however long," Chloe said.

"Thanks. I don't think Mark will miss me stealing the covers again," Susan joked.

"You shared a bed?" Chloe said, surprised.

"It wasn't like that. He was supposed to be coming with Elizabeth but she pulled out. They didn't have any spare rooms and it was too late to find another hotel."

Chloe watched Susan as she stared out the window at Mark and Little Susie playing in the back yard. She hadn't taken her eyes off them for their whole conversation.

"You two are still close then, huh?"

"Don't go there, Chloe," Susan said, knowing exactly what she was implying.

"What? It was just a question," Chloe said, with a smile. "Hey, I remember how much you moped when you first moved to Phoenix."

"I wasn't moping," Susan argued.

"You were moping!" Chloe laughed. "I was tempted to put you on a train and send you back to Chicago!"

Susan shook her head. Just then Mark came into the kitchen.

"She's bored of me, she's wants her Aunt Susie," Mark laughed.

Susan gave Chloe a warning stare before going outside to see Little Susie.

Mark looked at Chloe, noticing again the changes in her. "You look well, Chloe," he said.

"Thanks. You too. Susan told me about your tumour," Chloe replied.

"Well, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?" Mark said.

"So, how is she?" Chloe asked, referring to Susan. "Really?"

"Really? I don't know," Mark said. "I knew there was something wrong when she came back, but I had no idea it would be this. I've never seen her like this, she seems so broken."

"I know. It kills me to see her like this and not be able to do anything," Chloe said. "How was she at the cemetery?"

"Rough. She cried a lot," Mark replied.

"You know, before today she hadn't been back to the grave since the funeral," Chloe said. "It haunts her, being here. After it happened they kept her in the hospital for a week and as soon as we'd buried Emily she was out of here. She went and stayed with Carol and Doug for a few weeks and by the time she came back she'd already decided that she was moving back to Chicago."

Mark took in what she was saying. He'd spoken to Susan while she was staying in Seattle. He kicked himself for not realising then that there was something going on.

"Does she talk much about how she's feeling?" Mark asked.

Chloe shook her head. "Not really. I ask her how she's doing and she just says she's ok. If I mention Emily or Dix she'll either change the subject or make an excuse to hang up the phone. If I could just get her to open up," Chloe sighed. "I know she doesn't sleep well. She looks thin and tired. I just wish she hadn't moved away where I can't keep an eye on her."

"Well, I can help there now I know," Mark said.

"I'm glad she's told you," Chloe said. "There aren't many people who she bares her soul to. You're still pretty special to her you know."

Mark looked at Chloe, taken aback by what she had said. Before he could ask her what she meant they were interrupted by Susan.

"Ok, I've done my bit," Susan laughed. "It's your turn Mom."

Chloe rolled her eyes. "Oh, I don't think so. It's my turn every day. I'm going to take full advantage of having you two here."

Susan and Chloe both looked at Mark.

"I take it that's my cue," he said, walking towards the door to the back yard. As he passed Susan, who was stood in the doorway, he placed his hand on her back. She felt the same electricity as she had that morning and she shivered at his touch. Mark didn't notice, but Chloe did.

"He still cares about you," she said.

 "And he also cares about his pregnant girlfriend," Susan said.

"Ok, ok, point taken," Chloe said. "So are you going to stay for dinner?"

"Of course," Susan said.

Later that evening, they sat down to dinner together. There was laughing and joking amongst them.

"Mommy, where's Daddy?" Little Susie asked. She had always called Joe 'Daddy'. Although he was not her biological father, he had been her father in every other sense of the word.

"He's working late, sweetheart," Chloe answered.

Little Susie groaned. "Daddy's always working late these days," she complained.

"Well, he's really busy at the moment," Chloe said, obviously just as annoyed as Little Susie.

Once they had eaten and the plates had been cleared away, Mark called a taxi to take him back to the hotel. He came back the next morning to pick Susan up on the way to the airport and found her waiting on the front porch for him.

"Morning," she said, with a rare smile.

"Hi, are you ready to go?" Mark asked.

Susan paused and looked up at him, shading her eyes from the sun.

"I'm going to stick around here for a bit longer," she said. "I've cleared it with Kerry. I just need to take some time out, spend some time with my family. I never thought I'd say this but I need to be here for a while. My head still feels like there's a whirlwind spinning around inside it."

Mark sat down on the step next to her.

"I think that sounds like a good idea," he said. "I'm glad I know."

"Me too."

"Promise me you won't ever hide anything like this from me again, ok?"

"I promise."

"Hey mate, the meter's running," the taxi driver called.

"You'd better go. You don't want to miss your flight," Susan said.

"Are you going to be alright flying back on your own?" Mark asked.

"Probably not," Susan laughed. "You might have to wait at the other end with a quart of valium to calm me down."

Mark drew her into a hug.

"Call me any time you need me, ok?"

"Ok."

Susan smiled as they pulled away. "Mark, I just wanted to say thanks for being here for me. It made it easier, having you there yesterday."

"Any time," Mark said. He cupped Susan's face with his hands and kissed her forehead. When they came face to face their gazes lingered on each other, their faces inches apart. They both felt their lips moving closer together until they were interrupted by Mark's phone.

They broke apart, both very aware of what was about to happen. Mark fumbled trying to find his phone in his pocket.

"Hello? Hi, Elizabeth. Yeah, I'm on my way to the airport now. Ok. Ok, I'll see you later. Bye. I love you too. Bye."

Mark looked back at Susan. They were both feeling very awkward and were desperate to avoid any conversation about what had just occurred.

"Call me when you get back, ok?"

"Ok. Have a good flight."

Susan watched as Mark drove away in the taxi. She felt confused about what had just happened. Would they have kissed if his phone hadn't interrupted them?

_'Don't be stupid,'_ Susan told herself. _'Mark's just being a friend. He's happy with Elizabeth and they're about to have a baby. Why would he want anything else? Whatever you think just happened, didn't.'_

In the taxi, Mark was feeling equally confused, resolving to ignore the rising feelings inside of him.

_'She's still coping with losing a baby, the last thing she needs is more complications in her life,'_ he thought. _'She's vulnerable. Whatever you think just happened, didn't.'_


	10. A New Arrival

**_Chapter Ten – A New Arrival_**

"Clear!"

The patient lying on the gurney in front of Mark jumped as the paddles shocked his heart back into rhythm.

"Ok, that's it, I'm going home," Mark said, handing the paddles back to Haleh.

As he left the trauma room, he heard Kerry's voice call after him. He stopped and waited for her to catch up with him.

"Mark, we need to talk about the staff shortage," Kerry said, in her usual authoritative tone.

"Ok, but not now Kerry. I've just worked a double shift, all I want to do is go home, have a beer and watch the baseball game on TV," Mark sighed.

They walked over to the admit desk together.

"You on tonight?" Mark asked.

Kerry shook her head. "No. Just Carter and Susan."

"Susan?"

"Yeah, she called earlier to talk to you and I asked her to work tonight," Kerry answered.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Mark said, annoyed.

"You were busy with the GSW. She said she'd catch you before your shift finished. She's due in any time now," Kerry said.

"Hey, Kerry, I just wanted to say thanks for not kicking up a fuss about Susan taking a last minute holiday. I know she appreciated it," Mark said.

"I'm not completely insensitive Mark. Even I can see she's not coping with everything she's been through," Kerry said.

Mark nodded in agreement until he realised what Kerry was saying.

"You knew?" he said, incredulously.

"Mark, I'm Chief of Staff. I see everyone's records," Kerry said. "Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Mark watched Kerry leave, shaking his head in wonder. It wasn't often people saw Kerry's compassionate side and it always took Mark by surprise when it surfaced.

"Jerry, any sign of Susan or Carter?" Mark asked.

"Carter's in the lounge. And Dr Lewis is right behind you," Jerry answered.

Mark turned around to see Susan stood behind him. She looked better than the last time he'd seen her – there was more colour to her cheeks and less bags under her eyes. More importantly there was a touch of the old sparkle in her eyes as she smiled at him.

"Hey, I heard you were back," Mark said.

"I got back this afternoon," Susan said. "I called you at home and Rachel told me you were working. I called here to speak to you and Kerry somehow persuaded me to work tonight. I figured I owed her for letting me take time off work at such short notice."

"So how are you doing?" Mark asked.

"Better," Susan answered. "I think it was what I needed. I spent time with Chloe and Little Susie, just doing regular things. Joe was working a lot so I was helping Chloe round the house. Susie 's learnt how to make apple pie so that's all she wanted to do! I helped her with her homework; she's such a clever kid. And I spent a lot of time at the cemetery. I, uh, I've decided to see a counsellor. I think talking about it, about Emily, helped."

"I'm glad," Mark said. "Did you see Dix?"

"Yeah. It took me a few a days to get the courage to call him, but I'm glad I did. We talked about everything and made our peace. We went to see Emily together this morning before I left," Susan said.

Mark felt a wave of jealousy wash over him, then berated himself for it.

"I meant what I said," Mark said sincerely. "I want to help you."

"You did," Susan said, smiling.

"Mark? Mark, are you going home?" came Elizabeth's voice, interrupting them. "Oh, Susan, hi."

Elizabeth had mixed feelings towards Susan. She had not been happy when she had found out that Susan had gone to Phoenix with Mark, and even more mad when she'd found out that they'd shared a hotel room. However, she felt sympathetic towards Susan since Mark had explained what had happened. Mark hadn't intended to tell her, but they had been having a very heated argument and Mark had mistakenly let it slip.

"Hi, Elizabeth. You're not still working are you?" Susan asked, surprised.

Elizabeth nodded. "I want to work as far up to my due date as possible," she answered, feeling uncomfortable about talking about her baby with Susan after what she had just been through.

"Well, I'd better get to work," Susan said, sensing Elizabeth's discomfort and wanting to make a quick exit.

Susan went into the lounge where she found Carter staring out of the window.

"Hey Carter," Susan said.

"Hey, you're back," Carter said. "How was Phoenix?"

"Ok," Susan answered. "You on tonight?"

"Yep. And do you know what tonight is?" Carter asked.

"Saturday night?" Susan guessed with a laugh.

Carter beckoned Susan over to the window and pointed up towards the sky. Susan followed his finger.

"Full moon, Saturday night," Carter said.

Susan rolled her eyes. "Great." A full moon, Saturday night was well known in the ER for bringing with it the strangest patients.

A few hours later, Susan had just treated a patient who thought he was from the planet Mars. She decided to take a break while it was reasonably quiet. Stepping outside the doors, she took a deep breath of the night air. It was hot, a sticky heat, and Susan was thankful that the hospital's air conditioning was working for once. She spotted Abby smoking a cigarette on one of the benches and wandered over to her.

"Mind if I join you?" Susan asked.

Abby looked up and shook her head. Susan sat down next to her and let out a long sigh.

"Crazy night, huh?" Abby said.

"Tell me about it," Susan said. "What is it about the full moon that makes all the crazies come out?"

It was a rhetorical question to which Abby didn't respond and they sat in a slightly awkward silence.

"How was your trip to Phoenix?" Abby asked. "That was where you lived before, right?"

"Yep, land of sun," Susan answered. "It was nice."

Susan knew that was a lame answer but she wasn't willing to talk about it to someone she hardly knew. Abby raised her eyebrows and continued to make conversation.

"And you decided to come back here?"

Susan smiled. The past few weeks of summer that Chicago was experiencing were likely to be all they would see until next year.

"Chicago's more like home to me than Phoenix ever was," Susan said.

"Do you have family here?" Abby asked.

"My mom and dad. I try and avoid visiting them as much as possible," Susan said. "What about you?"

Abby shook her head. "My brother's in the air force in Saudi Arabia and my mom lives in Minnesota. We haven't been in the same room for years."

"You don't get on?" Susan asked.

Abby laughed. "It's complicated. I didn't exactly have a normal childhood."

"Who did," Susan commented, a slight bitterness to her voice.

Abby looked at Susan, surprised. She didn't seem like the kind of person to have had anything but an idyllic childhood. She was unaware of how similar their childhood's had been – both had been forced to play mom to their siblings while their unreliable parents had been caught up in their own messy lives.

"So, what's going on between you and Carter?" Susan asked, deciding to change the subject before they got tangle up further in that conversation.

"Me and Carter? Nothing," Abby said, dismissively.

Susan smiled knowingly. The sexual tension between them was obvious to any bystander and Susan had been told by Lydia that Carter had been pursing Abby for months, even though she'd been in a relationship with Luka until recently. Plus, Abby was now looking uncomfortable and pretending to be distracted by a stain on her clothes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be nosy," Susan said.

"No, it's ok. There's just nothing to tell," Abby said unconvincingly. "What about you and Dr Greene?"

"Mark? Nothing," Susan said.

Now it was Abby's turn to smile. "So you two didn't stay in the same hotel room in Phoenix?"

Susan almost choked as she took in a sharp breath of air.

"Where did you hear that?" Susan asked, her eyes wide.

"Dr Weaver asked him why there wasn't another hotel room on the bill," Abby answered.

"In front of everyone?"

Abby nodded. "At the admit desk."

"Oh God," Susan cried, putting her head in her hands. "Oh God."

Abby tried not to laugh. Susan looked up at her.

"Nothing happened you know," Susan said. "We didn't sleep together. I mean, we slept together but we didn't _sleep_ together."

"Ah, don't worry about it. You know what these rumours are like, they'll be forgotten just as quickly as they were made," Abby said. "And, you know, for what it's worth, everyone seemed kinda pleased."

Susan laughed, but she still felt guilty. They were interrupted by Susan's pager.

"Looks like I've been summoned," Susan said.

"Want a hand?" Abby asked.

"Nah, stay and finish your break. One of us should," Susan sighed, rolling her eyes. She went inside and found Chuni at the admit desk.

"Chuni, who paged me?" Susan asked.

"Me. Dr Corday's having her baby," Chuni said, handing Susan a chart.

"What? She can't be, she's still got another six weeks to go," Susan said.

"Well, she's having contractions. I'd say this baby's coming whether it's ready or not," Chuni said.

"Why isn't she upstairs?"

"There's no room for her," Chuni answered.

"Ok, call OB, call Mark and get Abby for me, she's outside," Susan ordered.

Susan stood by the desk reading over the chart. Abby came up to her.

"So much for having a break," she joked. "So, what kind of patient is it? Psychotic? Deranged? Or just plain weird?"

"It's Elizabeth," Susan said. Abby could tell by her expression that she was worried.

"But it's too early," Abby said.

"I know. Six weeks and her BP's high," Susan said. "You used to be an OB nurse, right?"

Abby nodded.

"Good. Stay close, I'm going to need you," Susan said. Abby followed Susan into a side room where Elizabeth was.

"Hi, Elizabeth, how're you feeling?" Susan asked.

"Susan, it's too early. I can't be having this baby now," Elizabeth said anxiously.

"Looks like you don't have any choice," Susan said as she examined her.

"Why aren't I upstairs?" Elizabeth asked.

"No room at the inn, we're taking all the extras," Susan said.

Elizabeth looked at her. "Susan, I am NOT having my child in the ER."

"Looks like you don't have a choice about that either," Susan said apologetically.

Elizabeth laid back down on the gurney. "Where's Mark?"

"Chuni's calling him. He'll be here soon," Susan said.

"Susan," Abby said, directing Susan's attention to a print out of the baby's heartbeat.

"Let's page OB again. And someone find the portable ultrasound ASAP," Susan ordered.

"Is something wrong?" Elizabeth asked, scared by their expressions.

"Elizabeth, the baby's heart beat is a little lower than I'd like," Susan started.

"Oh my God. Oh my God," Elizabeth repeated. "Where's Mark? I want Mark."

"Elizabeth? Elizabeth, I need you to calm down," Susan said. "Your BP's high enough already."

"Susan, I'm scared," Elizabeth admitted.

Susan took her hand. "I know. It'll be ok. I'll get you through this."

Elizabeth looked fearfully at Susan. The last time Elizabeth heard those words she had spoken them to Lucy, and she hadn't been able to save her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm going to chase OB, alright?" Susan said. She walked out the room and over to the admit desk.

"Did you page OB?" she asked Jerry.

"Yeah, they said they're getting slammed up there and they'll get someone down here as soon as possible," Jerry said.

Susan sighed. "Get them on the phone for me. Chuni, have you got hold of Mark?"

"He's on his way," she answered.

"Dr Lewis, Dr Coburn's on the phone," Jerry said, handing Susan the phone.

"Janet? It's Susan Lewis. Look, I know you're busy but I really need someone down here," Susan said. She nodded her head a couple of times as she listened to Coburn on the other end of the phone.

"Uh huh. I know that, but the baby's heartbeat keeps dropping below 120 and Elizabeth's blood pressure is up to 160/100," Susan said.

Abby came out of Elizabeth's room and hurried over to Susan.

"Susan, you need to get in there quick. She's bleeding," Abby said.

"Did you hear that?" Susan said down the phone. "Get someone here now!"

Susan followed Abby into Elizabeth's room.

"Did we get the portable ultrasound yet?" Susan asked.

"Right here," Abby said.

"Susan, something's wrong," Elizabeth said, panicked.

"Let's do this ultrasound before we start panicking, ok?" Susan said as calmly as she could.

Susan studied the image that appeared on the screen and a frown appeared on her face. She looked at Abby, who moved across to see for herself.

"What? What is it?" Elizabeth asked.

"Elizabeth, your placenta is starting to tear away from the womb," Susan said. "Someone from OB is on their way. Now, it hasn't completely separated from the womb yet and the baby's heartbeat has steadied to 128, so I'm not going to do anything until OB gets here."

Tears started to fall from Elizabeth's eyes.

"Hey," Susan said, taking her hand. "I know it's hard, but I need you stay calm. And I need you to stay as still as possible, ok?"

Elizabeth nodded. "Why isn't Mark here yet?" she whispered.

"He's on his way, I promise. I'll go see if I can get him on his cellphone," Susan said.

Susan walked out of the room and let out a big sigh. Carter came up to her.

"How's she doing?" he asked.

Susan shook her head. "I don't like this. She needs to be upstairs. Any sign of OB?"

Carter shook his head.

"What about Mark?"

"No."

"Look, I need to stay with Elizabeth. Can you handle things in the ER for a while?" Susan said.

"Sure, no problem. Keep me posted," Carter said.

Carter walked away and Susan saw Mark rush through the front doors.

"Mark," Susan called and walked across to him.

"Susan, what's going on? Where's Elizabeth?" Mark said, alarmed.

"She's in premature labour," Susan said. She held up her arms as he tried to rush past her into Elizabeth's room. "Mark, hold on. It's more complicated than that."

Mark stopped and looked at Susan. "What's wrong?"

"She's suffering from placental abruption," Susan said. "Now, I don't know how serious it is yet, I'm waiting for OB to come down and look at the ultrasound."

"Why isn't she upstairs?" Mark asked.

"They can't take her, there's no room," Susan said.

Mark looked panicked.

"Listen, Elizabeth's stressed enough. Her blood pressure's too high already, I need you to stay calm for her, ok?" Susan said.

Mark nodded. "Susan, she needs to be upstairs."

"I know," Susan said, sighing.

"Susan, we've been here before," Mark said. Memories of Jodi O'Brien came flooding back to him.

"I know. I've spoken to Coburn and she's up-to-date with what's going on. I don't like this any more than you do, but you're going to have to trust me. I'm not going to take any risks."

Mark looked up at Susan and nodded. "I trust you."

He went into Elizabeth's room and Abby came out.

"How's she doing?" Susan asked.

"She's stable for now," Abby answered. "You look exhausted."

"I'm alright," Susan said wearily. "I'm more worried about Elizabeth."

All of a sudden Chuni came running out of the room.

"Susan! She's completely abrupted," she yelled.

"Damn it," Susan cursed. "Jerry, tell Coburn we need her down here right now."

Susan and Abby rushed into the room.

"She's in shock," Susan said. She pushed Mark out of the way, who was standing still with shock by the bed. "She needs a transfusion. Lets get 4 of O-neg stat. She's going to need an emergency caesarean. Let's get her to trauma one."

Susan, Abby and Chuni pushed the gurney out the door and along the corridors to the trauma room. Mark followed in a daze. As they arrived, so did Dr Coburn and an OB team.

"What happened?" Coburn asked.

"She's abrupted," Susan said.

"Ok, I'll take over from here," Coburn said, taking control. Susan backed off and gratefully let her take over. She bumped into Mark who was stood at the door, staring blindly into the room.

"Mark? Hey, Mark, come on. Let's wait outside while Coburn does her job," Susan said gently, pulling Mark back by the arm. Mark let Susan lead him out the room.

"You ok?" Susan asked.

Mark didn't respond.

"Mark, it'll be ok," Susan said, trying to reassure him.

"Will it?" Mark whispered. Susan didn't know what to say.

They sat down on the seats outside and Susan reached across to take Mark's hand in hers. They didn't speak as they listened to Coburn bark orders inside.

Susan didn't know how long they had been sat there, when they heard the sound of a baby crying. They both stood up quickly and moved towards the doors to the trauma room. As they got there, the doors swung open and Janet Coburn walked out. She smiled at Mark.

"Congratulations, Mark. You have a baby daughter," she said.

A huge grin spread across Mark's face. "She's ok?" he asked.

"She's fine," Coburn said.

"And Elizabeth?"

"She's doing ok. She lost a lot of blood, but she'll be fine," Coburn answered. "We're going to move them upstairs now."

Mark followed as Elizabeth was pushed out the doors, followed by a small incubator. Susan stood and watched as they walked away. Abby and Carter came up behind her.

"Is everything ok?" Abby asked.

"Yeah, mother and baby doing fine," Susan said. "Thanks for your help tonight."

"No problem," Abby said.

"How's it going in the ER?" Susan asked.

"We've got a trauma coming in, a single MVA. Guy ran his car into a wall, possible attempted suicide," Carter said. "I could do with your help."

They were caught up in the trauma for over an hour trying to save the driver. Carter eventually called time of death at 04.17. Susan made a quick exit and made her way upstairs to OB where a nurse pointed her in the right direction to find Mark and Elizabeth. Susan looked through the door. Elizabeth was asleep in bed while Mark was stood at the window with the baby in his arms. She tapped lightly on the door. Mark looked up and beckoned her in, smiling. Susan slipped quietly through the door and walked across to Mark.

"Hey, how is she?" Susan whispered.

"Perfect," Mark whispered proudly. "Do you want to hold her?"

Susan hesitated, unsure of whether she was ready. She looked at the baby who was fast asleep and her heart melted. "I'd love to."

Mark passed her the baby.

"Oh, Mark, she's beautiful," Susan whispered. "You're so lucky."

"I know," Mark said. He watched as Susan gently rocked the baby in her arms.

"Have you thought of a name?" Susan asked.

"Ella," Mark answered.

Susan smiled. "Ella. I like that."

"Susan, thank you so much for what you did tonight," Mark said.

"I was just doing my job," Susan said.

"I know how hard it must have been for you," Mark said.

Susan shook her head. "You know what? It wasn't," she said. "Maybe it's the doctor instinct in me."

"Whatever it was, I owe you," Mark said.

"I think we're even now," Susan said, handing Ella back to Mark. "I'd better get back downstairs, I've left Carter alone enough tonight. I'll come by tomorrow to see how Elizabeth's doing."

"Thank you," Mark said again.

Susan smiled. "My pleasure."

Susan went out the door, leaving Mark with his new daughter. He held her in his arms, knowing how close he had been to losing her. As he watched the sun rise, he thanked God that he hadn't.


	11. Family

**Shocking, I know, but after five months I've finally got round to updating this story. I've had most of this chapter written for months, but I got a bit bored of this one so moved onto 'When Friends Become Lovers'. Then I had a moment of inspiration (thanks to saved-by-grace) that told me what I wanted to do with the next few chapters, and I promise there will be some proper Marsan stuff coming up. **

**Before I start, I want to thank everyone who has reviewed this story so far – Susan17, PinkSparkle02, Elisa1, EBStarr, HunnieBunnie, Dr-Mara-Weaver, satc-xfiles-wg-er, tv-crazy, abigailc and psalm57. I hope you guys haven't lost interest in this story. A special thanks to saved-by-grace too :)**

**A big thank you to PinkSparkle for being my bouncing board for all my ideas ;)**

**Just to summarise what has happened so far, the story started at the end of season 6. Mark is with Elizabeth and Susan was living in Phoenix. They met up again at Doug and Carol's and renewed their friendship. I followed the season 7 storyline where Mark had a brain tumour, but was cured by an operation. Then Susan moved back to Chicago after suffering from a miscarriage (which Mark later found out about when they went to Phoenix together for a conference). Elizabeth has just had Ella. Now I'm following the season 8 storyline where Rachel has come to stay with Mark and Elizabeth because she is not getting on with Jen. **

**__**

**_Chapter Eleven – Family_**

Mark rolled over in bed, his head thumping. He looked at his watch and groaned when he read 7.15am. He had been at work until 4am dealing with the victims of a multiple car pile up. He lifted his head to see what had woken him and heard raised voices coming from downstairs. He sighed, dragged his legs out the side of the bed and stood up wearily. He shivered. The winter chill had already arrived and the mornings were bitterly cold. After checking that Ella was undisturbed by the noise, Mark made his way into the kitchen where he found Elizabeth and Rachel having a screaming match. Elizabeth was holding a piece of paper in her hand.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Elizabeth was demanding, grabbing hold of Rachel's arm as she tried to get past her and sending a glass of orange juice flying through the air in the process.

"Let go of me!" Rachel yelled, eventually relenting. "You had no right going through my bag!"

"I didn't _'go through your bag'_, it fell out!" Elizabeth answered.

Rachel looked disbelieving at her.

"It's a good job it did, otherwise we'd never have known what you were up to!" Elizabeth continued.

"I'm not up to anything!" Rachel said angrily. "You're always moaning, always having a go at me about something. I'm not a child!"

"Well, if you acted more like a grown up, I wouldn't have to moan at you so much!" Elizabeth said.

"If acting like a grown up means being anything like you, I'd rather not!" Rachel spat.

"You rude little brat! Well whatever you've been up to, it's going to stop. You're grounded!" Elizabeth ordered.

"You can't ground me," Rachel sneered.

"While you're under my roof, you'll do as I tell you!" Elizabeth said.

"Just because you're shacked up with my dad, doesn't mean you can control me! YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!"

"Thank God for that," Elizabeth commented.

"Oh, piss off, you bitch," Rachel snapped.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Mark yelled, fed up with listening to them arguing.

Elizabeth and Rachel looked around, surprised to see Mark stood there.

"What the hell is going on?" Mark asked.

"Your daughter has been suspended from school," Elizabeth said, as Rachel stood scowling.

"Suspended? For what?" Mark asked.

Elizabeth looked at Rachel. "Are you going to tell him or shall I?"

Rachel didn't speak. Elizabeth sighed. "She got into a fight with another girl," she said.

Upstairs, Ella started to cry. Elizabeth grabbed the bottle of milk she had been warming and walked out the kitchen.

"You try and sort her out, she's your daughter," Elizabeth said to Mark as she passed him.

Mark stood in the doorway studying his daughter as she bent down to clean the orange juice off the floor. She was thirteen now. Thirteen going on twenty-five in Mark's opinion. She was no longer the little girl who had loved to curl up in bed with him, or sit watching the Little Mermaid over and over. She had stopped being that little girl when Jen had taken her to Milwaukee and they had gotten a divorce. The harsh realities of life had knocked Rachel hard. Jen had married a creep who Rachel had never accepted as any kind of father figure. Mark knew that Rachel hated living in St Louis and hated the fact that her mother worked all the hours she could, dedicating more time to her career than her daughter. But it was when he had been diagnosed with a brain tumour last year that Mark had notice a drastic change in his daughter – she knew now that life could be short; that life could be taken away from you at any moment, without any warning. Unfortunately, she had taken the phrase 'living life to the full' too far.

Mark knew that he had failed in his job as her father. It made him more determined to do things right with Ella. But he knew that he had to make things right with Rachel before she landed herself in any more trouble. Allowing her to move back to Chicago to live with him was the first step, although having a new born baby in the house meant that a lot of Mark's attention was taken away from Rachel and onto Ella.

Rachel looked up at her father, still scowling. "What?" she asked roughly.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Mark asked.

"Elizabeth was going through my bag…" Rachel started.

"Not with Elizabeth, I heard that," Mark said. "I mean at school."

Rachel stood defiantly, her arms crossed, refusing to speak. Mark spied the piece of paper that Elizabeth had been waving earlier on the kitchen counter and picked it up.

"You threatened another girl with a pair of scissors?" Mark asked, shocked.

"It wasn't like that," Rachel defended. "The teacher completely over-reacted."

"So what did happen?" Mark asked.

"What's the point in telling you, you won't believe me anyway," Rachel said.

"Try me," Mark said gently, sitting down on one of the kitchen stools and gesturing to Rachel to do the same. She reluctantly followed.

"There's this girl in my class, Marissa Jackson. She thinks she's so cool and pretty. She's trying to steal Andrew away from me," Rachel explained.

"Andrew?" Mark questioned. He had never heard Rachel mention this boy before. Rachel looked away from her father. "He's like, what? Your boyfriend?"

Rachel shrugged. "We hang out."

"So this was all over a boy?" Mark asked.

"She was flirting with him right in front of me!" Rachel said, starting to get worked up again.

"And you threatened her with a pair of scissors?"

Rachel scowled again. "We were in sewing class and I had a pair of scissors in my hands, so I threatened to cut off her dreadlocks. It's not like a threatened to kill her," she argued.

Mark sighed, not knowing what to do. He felt like he was losing grip on his daughter.

"See, I knew you wouldn't believe me," Rachel said angrily, getting up from the stool.

"I didn't say I didn't believe you," Mark said, catching her by the arm. She shrugged him off.

"You're just as bad as Elizabeth," Rachel spat. "You don't care about me! You're more interested in your new family, just like Mom!"

"Rachel, that's not true," Mark said. "You're my daughter, I love you."

"You didn't love me enough to come to Milwaukee though, did you?" Rachel questioned. "You didn't love me enough to try and make things work with Mom."

Mark sighed as Rachel stormed upstairs and he heard her slam her bedroom door. He hadn't handled that very well. Taking the letter from her school, Mark picked up the telephone to speak to Rachel's teacher. He was surprised by what he heard. She skipped lessons; she didn't hand in her homework; she was failing class tests. Mark knew she was bright, so why wasn't she working?

Elizabeth came downstairs with Ella in her arms.

"That went well," she commented.

Mark sat down at the kitchen table. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

"What are you going to do about her?" Elizabeth asked.

"I don't know," Mark said. He checked his watch and sighed. "I've got to be back at work in a few hours."

Elizabeth grunted as she moved around the kitchen. Mark looked up at her.

"What?"

"Maybe if you spent more time at home and less time at that bloody hospital, things wouldn't be as bad as they are," Elizabeth.

"You know we're short-staffed," Mark started.

"That's always your excuse. You're not the only doctor in that ER. What about Kerry, or Susan, or Luka? Let them pick up the slack for a while, then maybe you could spend more time at home with your family," Elizabeth said bitterly.

"I'll talk to Rachel," Mark said.

"You think one little chat will change her? She's rude, she's lazy; she plays her music so loud the walls shake; she never tidies up after herself…"

"What do you want me to do, Elizabeth?" Mark interrupted. "I know she's not the perfect child…"

"That's an understatement," Elizabeth murmured.

"…but she's had a rough deal and part of that is my fault so I want to try and put things right. A bit of support from you would be nice sometimes."

"In case you've forgotten, _I've_ been looking after _our_ daughter. Where are you when she's hungry or tired? Where are you when she needs changing? Where are you when she's crying?" Elizabeth answered. "I'm stuck in this house day and night. If I'm not looking after Ella, I'm cooking or cleaning or food shopping. I don't get any help from you or Rachel. I need your support, Mark, but I don't get it."

Elizabeth's harsh tone upset Ella and she started to cry again. Elizabeth gave her to Mark.

"I need to have a shower," she said.

Left alone in the kitchen, Mark gently rocked Ella to calm her down.

"Where did I go wrong, eh Ella?" Mark whispered. Ella looked up at him and reached out her arms to grab hold of Mark's t-shirt, gurgling. Mark picked up the telephone again, dialled a number and held the phone to his ear.

"Hello, Frank? It's Mark. Can you give a message to Kerry for me, please? No, I don't want you to page her. Just tell her I can't cover her shift tonight, something's come up. Thanks. Bye."

With Ella in his arms, Mark walked over to the kitchen sink and ran the hot water. Ella giggled at the bubbles that gathered in the sink. Mark put Ella in her cot and began to clean up the kitchen. _It wasn't much, but it was a start_, he contended. Elizabeth came downstairs half an hour later to find the kitchen clean and Mark in the lounge tidying up. Ella was in her cot, gurgling happily. Elizabeth softened.

"Any sign of Rachel?" she asked, sitting down on the sofa.

"No," Mark answered. "I think I'll let her stew for a while. I'm sorry about the way she acted towards you."

Elizabeth nodded, accepting the apology and smiled.

"I should yell at you at lot more if makes you do the housework," she joked. "What time do you have to be back at work?"

"I don't. I called and told them I couldn't do it," Mark said.

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows, surprised. "Wow, I really should yell more often!"

Mark laughed. "So, what do you want to do today? We should go out somewhere and have some fun."

"What did you have in mind?" Elizabeth asked, moving her feet so that Mark could sit next to her on the sofa.

"They just put up the ice-rink. Rachel used to love skating when she was younger," Mark said. "What do you think?"

"Ok," Elizabeth said reluctantly.

Mark sensed her lack of enthusiasm. "Don't worry, I'll catch you if you fall," Mark said.

"What about Rachel?" Elizabeth asked.

Mark sighed. "I'll go talk to her."

He made his way upstairs and knocked on her door. There was no answer. He knocked again, but there was still no answer. He cautiously opened the door.

"Rachel?"

She was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, her earphones firmly in her ears. The music was so loud even Mark could hear it. Sounded like noise to him, rather than music.

"Rachel?" he said again, a little louder this time, trying to make himself heard over the music.

Rachel looked over at him and pulled a face. She took out her earphones and sat up.

"What do you want?" she asked moodily.

"I was just talking to Elizabeth, and we thought maybe we could all go out together. As a family," Mark said.

"Where?" So far, she didn't sound impressed with the idea.

"To the ice-rink."

Rachel rolled her eyes.

"You used to love the ice-rink," Mark said, a little hurt.

"Yeah, when I was six," Rachel sneered.

Mark sighed. "Fine. Elizabeth, Ella and I will be leaving in ten minutes, it's up to you if you come."

He got up off the bed and went to the door. Rachel lay back down on her bed and went to put her earphones in again.

"I'd really like it if you came," Mark said, before leaving.

He went back downstairs. Elizabeth looked at him expectantly and he shrugged. They set about getting a bag ready for Ella – bottles, diapers, a change of clothes. As they were about to call goodbye, they heard Rachel's bedroom door open and close, and the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Rachel came downstairs, bundled up in a thick coat and a bright scarf around her neck. Mark smiled, pleased. Rachel smiled back and accepted his offer of linking arms. They walked, as a family, down to the ice-rink. It was quiet. A few couples were skating, hand-in-hand. There were some lone skaters, gliding round and round the ice-rink.

As they got closer, Mark saw a familiar body on the ice-rink. Small, slim and blond, with a young girl who had obviously never skated before. Elizabeth spotted her too and pursed her lips.

_'Why does that woman seem to be everywhere we go?' _she wondered with a sigh. She watched as Mark's face lit up at the sight of her.

"Susan!" he called.

Susan turned around, momentarily losing grip of the little girl in front of her, who proceeded to fall to the ground. Susan leant down and pulled her up, trying to suppress a giggle as the little girl grumbled.

"Hey guys," Susan greeted them.

"Hi. Hey Susie," Mark greeted Little Susie.

"Hello," Little Susie replied. She looked up in wonder at Rachel, who had glided onto the ice like an old pro.

"Rachel, do you remember Little Susie?" Mark asked, as Rachel skated away. Mark sighed. Susan looked at him and raised her eyebrows.

"Don't ask," he said, shaking his head. "I didn't know Little Susie was visiting."

"She's staying with me for a few days over the holidays," Susan explained. "Chloe said she and Joe needed some alone time and asked if I would take her for a while."

Elizabeth coughed next to Mark, wanting to remind him of her presence. Her subtlety worked.

"Well, let's skate," Mark said to Elizabeth, grabbing her hand. "Good luck!"

He winked at Susan, who was still struggling to keep Little Susie on her feet, as he skated off, hand-in-hand with Elizabeth, pulling Ella in a little cart behind them. Susan felt a twinge of jealousy as she watched them together – a family.

"Ok, Susie, let's go. Just move your feet along the ice, like this," Susan said, trying to demonstrate.

They skated for a while. In front of them, Mark kept falling over, making them laugh. Even Elizabeth was a better skater than Mark, and she was only a beginner. Beside Susan, Little Susie continued to copy Susan's feet, her little legs sliding everywhere underneath her.

"Her skates aren't tight enough," came a voice from behind them. Susan turned as Rachel skated up to them. Rachel smiled, awkwardly. Susan smiled warmly back and Rachel bent down to fasten Little Susie's skates.

"This should stop you from wobbling everywhere," Rachel said gently to Little Susie, who went shy.

"Thanks Rachel," Susan said.

"Do you want me to skate with her?" Rachel asked.

Susan looked down at Little Susie. "Do you want to skate with Rachel for a while?" Susan asked. Little Susie nodded and reached her hand up. Susan stood and watched as Rachel accepted Little Susie's hand, gently pulling her round the ice rink. She smiled. Mark came up beside her. Elizabeth was taking a break with Ella by the side of the ice-rink, looking fed up already.

"It's strange how quickly time passes, isn't it?" Susan said to him. "The last time I brought Susie here was the Christmas just after you and Jen split, do you remember? She wasn't even one."

Mark smiled at the memory. "Rachel was sulking. I kept falling over."

"Some things haven't changed then," Susan laughed.

"You mean me falling over or Rachel sulking?" Mark said bitterly.

"She's a teenager. She's supposed to sulk," Susan said.

"It's not just that. She's been suspended from school for fighting," Mark said.

Susan raised her eyebrows. "Fighting?"

"Over a boy. The school said she threatened another girl with a pair of scissors," Mark said.

"What does Rachel say?" Susan asked.

"She said she threatened to cut off her hair. I wish I knew what was going on in head," Mark sighed.

"She's thirteen. I'd guess at boys, make-up and clothes," Susan said, jokingly. She saw Mark's serious expression and changed her tone. "She'll be alright. She just needs time to adjust, you know. To being back in Chicago, to Elizabeth, to Ella."

"But where does it end? When she actually does someone some damage? When she does herself some damage?" Mark asked, clearly worried.

Susan touched his arm. "I wish I had the answer for you."

Mark smiled gratefully. "I'm just worried about her. I'm worried about what she hasn't been caught doing," Mark said. "I don't know how to fix her."

"I'm not broken," came a voice from behind them. Mark and Susan turned around to see Rachel staring at them. Little Susie was stood next to her, holding tightly onto Rachel's hand to prevent her from falling over.

"God, what is your problem?" Rachel asked.

"Rachel, you were fighting," Mark said, exasperated.

"The other girl started it," Rachel argued.

"That's not the point," Mark said. "The point is you were fighting in the first place. The point is you've turned into this rude little girl who throws a strop when she doesn't her own way."

"Oh, piss off," Rachel said.

For the second time that day, Mark watched Rachel storm off. With an apologetic look at Susan, he followed her. Susan looked down at Little Susie, who was still unsteady on her skates. With one final wobble, her feet flew from under her and she landed on the ice. She looked up at Susan.

"Aunt Susie, I don't like ice-skating."


	12. Some Mistakes Are Hard To Rectify

**Disclaimer: I don't own ER or any of these characters, etc. or the lines I've taken from the show (there's quite a few in this one).**

**I hope the lack of reviews for the last chapter doesn't mean that people aren't reading. But I'm a fan of this story, so I'm persevering!! **

**If you have only just picked up this story, there is a summary of what has happened so far in the previous chapter (_Family_). This is where the Marsan stuff really starts to kick off so enjoy :) **

****

**_Some Mistakes Are Hard To Rectify_**

Mark's life was not getting any easier. Christmas had come and gone. They had welcomed the New Year. Rachel was now back at school and he was in regular contact with her teachers to keep track of her progress and behaviour. So far, so good, but despite an improvement in her grades, the atmosphere was still tense at home. Rachel and Elizabeth were constantly bickering and Mark was being moaned at by both parties. Ella had noticed the stress in all of them, which upset her. Sometimes – a passing thought that quickly went away – Mark wondered what life would be like on his own, without his family. No arguments, no stress; a simple life. This thought usually appeared in his head during one of the many heated rows between Elizabeth and Rachel, while Ella screamed for attention in the background. A feeling of incredible guilt usually followed, and Mark would make a conscious effort to make up for it, willing such a thought to disappear. It didn't.

Another thought that wouldn't leave him alone was Susan. She was constantly on his mind these days – and the nights too. The old feelings he knew he had kept buried deep inside were fighting to resurface, and Mark was using everything he could to keep them away. Falling in love with Susan wasn't an option; it wouldn't fair on any of them. But that didn't stop his mind from wandering to her face – those green eyes, that blonde hair – whenever it had the opportunity.

Mark pushed around the cold fries that lay on his plate in front of him. He was on his lunch break and hiding from the buzz of the ER in Doc Magoo's. Work was his only haven at the moment, where he could get lost in his patients and their problems, and momentarily forget his own. His pager beeped in front of him and Mark contemplated ignoring it. His conscience got the better of him. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, hoping that whatever it was could either wait or be dealt with over the phone. He dialled the number of the ER and waited with an impatient sigh for someone to answer. He started to tap his finger on the table.

"E.R."

"Randi, it's Mark. Did someone page me?" Mark asked, the impatience in his voice apparent.

"Oh, Dr Greene, um…"

Mark could hear whispers in the background. He frowned.

"Dr Greene? It's Abby."

Mark knew immediately from the tone of her voice that something was wrong.

"I'm sorry, your daughter has just been brought in with a suspected ecstasy overdose," Abby said quickly.

Mark didn't bother to answer. He jumped up from the table and rushed out the diner, running across the road to the hospital so fast his feet barely touched the ground. His mind was a whirlwind of questions. _What happened? Was she ok? Where did she get ecstasy from?_

"Where is she?" he yelled when he entered the ER.

"Trauma one," Randi called after him, watching him race down the corridor.

Mark reached the trauma room and saw a group of doctors and nurses crowded around. He crashed through the doors and almost collapsed from shock at what he saw. He was expecting to see Rachel lying in front of him; nothing prepared him for seeing Ella lying helplessly on the gurney. Elizabeth was stood next to her, watching as her friends and colleagues worked to save her daughter and questioning every action.

"Oh my God," Mark cried. "What the hell happened?"

Elizabeth looked up at him. Her eyes were a mixture of fear and anger.

"Rachel had ecstasy in her school bag. Ella got hold of it and swallowed it," Elizabeth spat at him.

Mark moved around to the side of the gurney, next to Elizabeth. Kerry was the other side, barking orders in her usual manner, all too conscious of who the patient in front of her was.

"She's in SVT," Haleh said.

"Let's get the crash cart," Chen said.

"What?" Mark questioned.

"She's hypoxic, with pulmonary oedema in SVT," Chen explained herself, following protocol.

"No!" Elizabeth cried.

"We have to," Chen said, emphatically.

"Her SATs are down to 90," Chuny said.

"Let's get her up to 15 litres of O2," Chen said, looking desperately at Kerry for intervention.

"Mark, Elizabeth, you have to let us work," Kerry pleaded with them. "I know this is your daughter, which is why you should step away. Let us do our job."

Mark and Elizabeth were pushed aside as they watched their daughter fighting for her life. Mark prayed silently, willing God to do everything he could to make her better. All of a sudden, the monitors started to go crazy next to them.

"Pulse-ox is down to 88," Chuny read.

"Her lungs are full of fluid, lets get 15 of lacex," Kerry ordered. "We need to intubate."

"No!" Elizabeth cried again. She couldn't believe this was happening. "Give the diaphoretics a chance to work first."

"Elizabeth, she's in respiratory distress," Kerry said. "We have to intubate her now."

Mark and Elizabeth fell silent. There was no point in arguing with Kerry, they knew she was right. Their judgement was clouded. Any other baby, and they would have intubated by now.

"0.2 of atropine and 15 of lidocane," Kerry ordered. She put the tube down Ella's throat and watched as her vitals started to improve. An air of calm fell over the trauma room. Finally, some good news.

"Heart rate is down to 100, pulse-ox is 99," Chuny said.

Mark and Elizabeth stepped up to the gurney.

"It's ok, baby, it's ok," Elizabeth said softly.

Mark watched, breathing a sigh of relief.

"The PICU is ready for them," Haleh said, after coming off the telephone.

"Ok, let's move her," Kerry said.

Mark and Elizabeth followed as Ella was pushed out of the trauma room and towards the lifts. At the admit desk, Mark spotted Rachel being comforted by Susan. Elizabeth glared at him, as if reading his mind.

"I'll follow you up," Mark said, nodding his head in reassurance.

He walked towards the desk. Rachel and Susan both looked up at him.

"Dad?" Rachel questioned, nervously.

"Rachel, where have you been?" Mark asked, angrily.

"I was just waiting outside. Is she ok?" Rachel asked.

"No, she's not ok," Mark said. He was too mad to be sensitive to her feelings.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said, her voice taking a babyish tone.

"You're sorry?" Mark yelled.

"Mark…" Susan tried to interrupt.

"Stay out of this," Mark warned.

Susan stepped back, knowing that it wasn't her place to get involved.

"You bring drugs into our house and leave them out for a baby," Mark started to lecture.

"They weren't mine," Rachel interrupted.

"Stop lying," Mark said, frustrated.

"I'm not. They're just for a party, I wasn't even sure if I was going to take them," Rachel defended.

"Well your sister did."

"She's going to be ok though, right? It was just one pill," Rachel said.

Her naivety arose even more anger inside of Mark.

"Are you really that stupid? Ella is 9 months old. She almost died," Mark's voice was getting louder.

"Dad, don't," Rachel pleaded.

"Don't what? Don't call you a liar? Because that's what you are, Rachel. You promised me you weren't doing drugs," Mark screamed at her. He didn't care that everyone around him was watching.

"I'm sorry," Rachel cried, tears starting to fall down her face.

"She could have long-term brain damage, learning disabilities, low IQ, memory impairment. She could still die," Mark continued.

"Please, dad, I'm sorry," Rachel cried, moving towards him, hoping that he would embrace her. "I'm sorry."

Mark moved back, a look of disgust on his face. "Go home, Rachel. I don't want to see you right now."

Mark spun around and stalked off, as Rachel dissolved into tears. Susan, who had been watching this scene from a distance, followed him.

"Mark," she called.

He paused. Anyone else, and he would have carried on.

"Don't do this," Susan pleaded.

"I need to get back to my daughter," Mark said, his voice flat.

"What about Rachel? She's your daughter too," Susan said.

"I know that. Don't guilt-trip me, Susan. She brought drugs into my house and she's put Ella's life in danger," Mark said, incredulously.

"I know. You're mad, and you've got every right to be. But please don't walk away from her," Susan said, irritated.

"What do you want me to do?" Mark yelled.

"I want you to be her father!" Susan yelled back.

Mark sighed angrily. "What gives you the right to have a go at me? Maybe when you have your own kids, you'll be in a position to lecture me."

As soon as he said it, he knew he had gone too far. Susan looked at him in disbelief.

"You son of a bitch," she said, walking off.

Mark sighed. _Shit._ He made his way upstairs, cursing himself for being such an idiot. Of all the insults he could have thrown at her, that one had overstepped the mark. He tried to put it to the back of his mind and concentrate on Ella. As he watched his daughter being ventilated by a machine, he wondered how many more cruel tricks life could throw at him.

------

Susan had spent the afternoon burying herself in her work. Everyone in the ER had heard about her altercation with Mark, but no-one had dared to ask her what it was about. She was glad; it wouldn't have been an easy explanation. She was still shocked that Mark had thrown the worst moment of her life in her face, without hesitation.

Rachel had spent the afternoon in the lounge, circling the table restlessly and watching the activity of the ER. Susan had checked up on her occasionally, to make sure she was ok. And to make sure she was still there.

Susan sighed, as she scoured through the rack of waiting patients. She didn't notice a body come up behind her until it spoke.

"Susan."

She recognised Mark's voice instantly and turned around slowly. She couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes, and instead focused on his restless feet.

"I'm so sorry," Mark said. His voice was full of remorse.

"I'm going to take Rachel home with me tonight," Susan said, ignoring his apology. "She shouldn't be home alone."

"Susan…"

"Is that ok?" She finally lifted her head and met his eyes. His were full of sadness; hers, anger.

Susan softened, remembering what he was going through.

"How's Ella?" she asked softly.

"Her vitals are stable and she's SATing well on 50%," Mark answered, a hint of optimism in his voice.

"And Elizabeth?" Susan asked.

"She's ok. She tired, but she refuses to leave Ella's side," Mark answered. He sounded tired. "Susan, I'm so sorry about what I said. I was angry, and I vented that anger on you and I was wrong."

Susan shook her head. "It doesn't matter," she dismissed him.

"Yes, it does. I was out of line, and there's no excuse for what I said," Mark said.

Susan nodded and Mark took it as a sign that she had accepted his apology.

"Where's Rachel?" Mark asked.

"In the lounge. I finish in half an hour, she can stay at mine tonight," Susan offered. "You should talk to her before we leave."

Mark shook his head. "I can't. I'm sorry, I know you think I should, but I can't. I'm too angry, Susan, and I'll just say more things I'll regret."

Susan nodded, understanding.

"I should get back upstairs," Mark said. He started to turn, but paused. "Thank you."

"You know where I am if you need anything," Susan said.

Mark nodded and went back upstairs to the Paediatrics Intensive Care Unit, where Elizabeth was still hunched over the bed where Ella lay. There were tubes coming out of her, giving her air and medication, and wires attaching her to machines. She looked lifeless and it broke Mark's heart. He sat down silently next to Elizabeth, putting his arm around her. She shrugged him off.

"You've been to see Rachel?" she asked coldly.

"I went to check on her, yes," Mark answered. "She's staying with Susan tonight."

_'Saint Bloody Susan,'_ Elizabeth thought with contempt.

"Good," she said aloud. "I don't want her anywhere near my family."

"Elizabeth…"

"I mean it, Mark. I don't want her in my house and I certainly don't want her anywhere near Ella," Elizabeth said angrily.

"She's my daughter," Mark said.

"And so is Ella," Elizabeth said, her voice raised. She caught herself and softened her tone. "She nearly died. She still could die or suffer long-term damage."

Tears started to fall down Elizabeth's cheeks again and she wiped them away quickly, frustrated.

"I know. I blame Rachel too, but you can't ask me to turn my back on her," Mark said.

"That's exactly what I'm asking," Elizabeth said spitefully. "Either Rachel is on the next plane to St Louis or…"

"Or what?" Mark interrupted.

"Or I'm not bringing Ella home," Elizabeth finished. "And until you can show some loyalty to us, you can get out."

Mark stood in shock, unable to comprehend what Elizabeth was saying.

"What?"

"Get out!" Elizabeth cried.

"Elizabeth…"

"GET OUT!"

Elizabeth's screams caught the attention of the security guards, who came towards them.

"Is everything ok here?"

Elizabeth's face wore a hard expression, refusing to back down. Mark knew when he was defeated; he had never been very good at standing up to Elizabeth. He backed away in disbelief and stood outside in the hallway, contemplating what to do. He knew that the security guards were watching him and until he did what she asked – until he had chosen one daughter over the other – Elizabeth wouldn't allow him back into the PICU. He made his way downstairs and outside, avoiding the ER. He couldn't handle the questions and the sympathy right now. Instead, he went to find the only thing that would bring him comfort right now.

-------

Susan stood watching Rachel as she washed the dinner plates. She had a hard time believing it was the same girl who had once been so sweet and innocent. Rachel caught her staring.

"What?" she said, automatically defensive.

"Where did you get the drugs?" Susan asked.

Rachel studied Susan's face. There was no anger or aggression. It was a simple question.

"A guy at school. There's a party on Saturday night and some of us were thinking of taking some," Rachel answered honestly. She sighed and sat down at the kitchen table.

Susan sat down next to her. "Why?"

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. I wanted to. I just wanted to go out and forget everything."

"Rachel, do you remember my sister, Chloe?" Susan asked.

"Kind of. She was always bubbly and funny," Rachel answered, smiling slightly.

"She was always high," Susan said. "Or drunk. She lived her life as one big party. Even after Little Susie came along, she still went out and got wasted. She didn't care about leaving a baby home alone, she just wanted to go out and forget everything for a while. But you know, every morning when she would wake up, everything she was trying to forget was still there. You can't escape life using drugs and alcohol, Rachel. It's the coward's way out."

Rachel sat taking in everything that Susan was saying, grateful that, for once, she was being spoken to like an adult rather than a child.

"He's never going to forgive me, is he?" Rachel asked quietly.

"Do you blame him?" Susan questioned.

"No," Rachel answered, a tear falling down her cheek. "I really screwed up."

"Yeah, you did," Susan said. She put her hand on Rachel's. "But give him time."

"Thank you," Rachel said.

"You should go get some sleep. I've made up the bed in the spare room and there's a pair of pyjamas in there for you. We'll stop by your house in the morning before I drop you off at school," Susan said, her motherly instincts taking over.

"I have to go to school?" Rachel asked.

"I've got to go to work. Your dad will be at the hospital," Susan answered.

The tone of her voice told Rachel that there was no point in arguing. She got up and disappeared into the bedroom. Susan started to put away the dishes when there was a slow knock at the door.

She looked through the spy hole and saw Mark stood on the other side, leaning against the door frame. She opened the door.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting you here tonight," Susan said, concerned. "Is everything ok?"

"No," Mark answered, staggering in.

Susan sighed. "You're drunk." It was a statement, not a question.

Mark fell onto the sofa. Susan came and sat on the table in front of him.

"Why aren't you at the hospital?"

"Elizabeth made it clear I wasn't welcome," Mark slurred.

Susan frowned. "Why?"

Mark leant forward to whisper. "Rachel." He fell back into the sofa again.

Susan sat looking at him. "So you thought that getting drunk would solve your problems?" she asked incredulously.

"Nope," Mark said. "But it makes me feel a whole lot better."

Susan shook her head. "I've just told Rachel that you can't use drink and drugs to run away, and you turn up like this. I can't believe you, Mark. Why are you doing this?"

"Why not?"

"Because people need you. Ella, Elizabeth, Rachel," Susan said.

"No, they don't. They'd all be better off without me," Mark said, dropping his head.

"Mark, stop this. All this self-pity isn't doing anybody any good," Susan said, frustrated that there seemed to be nothing she could say to lift his mood. Mark put his head in his hands and began to rock, back and forth.

"I'll make you some coffee," Susan said gently. "You need to sober up and get back to the hospital."

"Elizabeth doesn't want me there," Mark said. "She wants me to choose. It's either Rachel or Ella."

"What?" Susan couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"It sucks, huh?" Mark said, shaking his head. "It's not losing Elizabeth that scares me. I think our relationship has been over for a while. But without Elizabeth, I'm scared there'll be no Ella."

"Oh, Mark," Susan sympathised, putting her hand on his shoulder and squeezing it, comfortingly. "I wish there was something I could say or do."

Mark looked up at her. Maybe it was the alcohol that gave him the courage to do it, or the need for comfort and love; but he leant forward and kissed her. Susan was so surprised that she didn't react straight away. Mark took it as a sign that he was welcome to continue and he brought his hand up her neck, pulling her towards him. Suddenly, Susan pulled back.

"What the hell are you doing?" she cried, horrified at what had just happened.

"I…I'm sorry," Mark stuttered. "I thought…I…"

He got up and stumbled towards the door. Susan didn't move, frozen to the spot. Mark looked back at her.

"I'm sorry."

Mark opened the door and rushed out of the room. His chest felt tight and he rushed outside, gasping for air.

_'What the hell have I done?'_


	13. Release

**_Release _**

It was nearly ten o' clock in the evening and Susan was crashed out in front of the television. She hadn't slept well the night before and after working a twelve-hour shift all she wanted to do was sleep. However her brain had other plans, as a whirlwind of thoughts circled her mind. She had managed to avoid seeing Mark all day, tracking Ella's progress via Kerry or Carter, but he hadn't been far from her thoughts as she played over the previous night's events over and over again. She remembered the way his touch had made her skin tingle, and they way his lips were soft against her own.

_'Stop it,'_ she told herself.

She wondered how Mark was feeling today. Guilty? Horrified? She felt like she had received so many mixed signals from him since her return. The moment they had shared in Phoenix had repeated in her mind, developing into more in her dreams. Everything felt so complicated – Elizabeth, Ella. Susan cursed herself. Ella was lying in hospital, fighting for her life, with Elizabeth watching her every second of the day; and Susan was sat at home selfishly contemplating her feelings for Mark, wishing she could take him away from them. __

A knock on the door interrupted her. She got up and slowly walked to the door, wary that she should receive visitors so late at night. Looking through the spy hole, her stomach turned as she saw Mark waiting expectantly on the other side. She contemplated ignoring him, but the sound of the television would have exposed her lie. She opened the door.

"Hey," she said. It was the first and only word that came into her head.

"Hi, um, Rachel says she left her maths book here last night," Mark said, avoiding her eye. It didn't matter, she would have avoided his.

"Oh, uh, I haven't seen it but it…it could be here somewhere," Susan stumbled over her sentence. She sighed – this was not going well. "Come in."

Mark stepped into Susan's apartment cautiously, all too aware of his actions the night before. He hadn't been sure that Susan would be speaking to him, let alone invite him back into her apartment. Truthfully, Mark had been glad of the excuse to come and see Susan, giving him the chance try and make things right.

_'If that's possible,'_ he thought.

He stood watching Susan as she hunted around her apartment for Rachel's maths book. He hadn't made a mistake last night when he had kissed her. He may have been drunk, but he knew what he was doing; he knew what he wanted. He had loved Susan five years ago and he loved her now, it should have been so simple. _Why did things always have to be so complicated?_

"I've found it," Susan's voice interrupted him. She walked over to where Mark stood and held out the book. He took it, nodding gratefully.

"Thank you," Mark said, not trusting himself to say anything more. He turned and walked towards the door, keeping his back to Susan, not wanting to see her face because of the feelings she managed to stir inside of him.

Mark paused when he reached the floor, dropping his head to look at his shoes. He was still facing the door.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I screwed up."

Susan shut her eyes tightly. She didn't want him to be sorry, she didn't want him to be regretful.

"It's ok," she said, willing her voice not to crack.

"Are things ever going to be the same between us?" Mark asked.

Susan knew she should lie and tell him everything would be fine, but she couldn't. "I don't know."

"Because I kissed you?" Mark knew it was his fault, that he had over-stepped the boundary.

_'Don't do it,'_ Susan screamed silently to herself. Her head was telling her not to speak, but the part of her that loved him was overwhelming.

"Because I wanted you to," she finally answered, letting the tears fall down her face.

Mark stood still. He hadn't expected that. He turned to look at her. She was stood in the middle of the apartment, her arms crossed defensively – like she was trying to protect herself. They made eye contact for the first time and the feelings they were both trying to suppress took over them. Mark walked over to where she stood, cupping her face with his hands. Susan pulled back slightly, a voice in her head still telling her this was wrong, but he fought against her resistance, bringing his head down to hers, kissing her.

It felt right.

The kiss became harder and more passionate. Their hands wandered over each other, on top of their clothes at first and gradually becoming more curious. They struggled at pulling off their clothes, more interested in tasting each other.

Susan could feel her heart beating fast, pounding against her chest. His taste, his touch almost felt too much. She felt loved and wanted, and best of all it was Mark who was making her feel like this.

Mark had never experienced anything like this. Not just the overpowering passion between them, but the love, made everything she did feel like magic. Her skin was so soft, he loved the feel of it under his fingers.

They fell against a chair, then the table, then the cabinet. Susan's hip hit the corner of the cabinet, and she parted lips with Mark to cry out in pain.

"Ow!"

They stood, their excited bodies pressed against one another and their eyes locked, trying to catch their breath. No words needed to be spoken as Susan guided him across the room to her bedroom. Mark followed, his eyes watching her all the time. Susan closed the door behind them for privacy; silly, really, since she lived alone. They fell onto the bed, their clothes falling off easily. Mark covered her face and her body with kisses. Susan closed her eyes, allowing herself to get lost in his touch. He brought himself back up to face her.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you," she said back.

They made love until the early hours of the morning, neither of them wanting it to end. They finally relented, exhausted, and spooned together under the bed sheets. No words were spoken. They didn't need to be. It had all been said, it had all been demonstrated. Wrapped up together, they fell peacefully asleep.


	14. Some Things Just Aren't Meant To Be

**Thank you very much to Melissa Larkin, saved-by-grace, PinkSparkle02, Susan and Mrs Clooney for your reviews. I thought you might like the last chapter! Unfortunately, things are not that easy… **

**_Some Things Just Aren't Meant To Be_**

Susan woke the next morning, her face pressed against the pillow and her arm hanging off the edge of the bed. Something felt different, but her head was still drowsy and her brain had yet to wake. She moved and felt something next to her reciprocate. She frowned and turned her head, and found herself face-to-face with Mark sleeping next to her. The previous night's events suddenly came flooding back to her.

_'Oh God, what have I done?'_ she thought. Slowly, and as quietly as possible, she began to get out of bed, searching for any piece of clothing to cover her otherwise naked body.

Her movements disturbed Mark from his sleep. He opened his eyes to see Susan's blurry form in front of him. He smiled as he remembered what had happened between them the night before. It had been perfect; like two souls connecting. It was better than Mark could ever have imagined – and he had imagined it time and time again.

"Hey," he said softly, reaching out to stroke Susan's back.

"Hi," Susan said. His touch made her tingle and even though inside she was screaming silently at herself to move, she couldn't.

Mark moved across the bed and began planting kisses up her spine and across her shoulders. Susan closed her eyes, momentarily losing herself in what he was doing, until reality kicked in. She shrugged him off, her muscles tightening. She spotted a sweater on the floor and pulled it over her head, covering herself.

Mark immediately sensed her agitation. "What's wrong?"

"This," Susan answered quietly. "This is wrong."

"No," Mark said, shaking his head. "This is about the only thing in my life at the moment that is right."

"What about Elizabeth?" Susan asked. She still had her back to him.

"What about her?"

"You're supposed to be in love with her," Susan said incredulously, but without raising her voice.

"But I'm not. I don't love her, not the way I should," Mark said. "I love you. I'm in love with you."

He reached out to touch Susan's arm and she shied away from him.

"Susan…"

"I think you should go," Susan said, getting up off the bed. Mark followed suit, getting out the other side.

"Don't do this, Susan. Last night was amazing; it was perfect. I know you think so too," Mark said.

"Last night shouldn't have happened," Susan answered.

Mark came up to face her, cupping her face in his hands.

"I love you," he said, emotionally. "I know you feel the same, you told me last night while we were making love."

"No," Susan shook her head, struggling to get out of his grasp.

Mark bent his head down to kiss her.

"Mark, stop it," Susan pleaded. He wouldn't let go. "Mark, stop!"

She had raised her voice now, pushing Mark away with surprising force, causing him to stumble backwards.

"I can't do this. I won't. I won't be the other woman," Susan said.

"I'll end things with Elizabeth. It's over. I want to be with you," Mark cried. "I'll do it today, I'll go to the hospital and tell her it's over."

Susan shook her head in disbelief. "You think if you dump Elizabeth, I'll jump into bed with you? Is that really all you think of me?"

"No, Susan, I…"

"Please, Mark, just go," Susan asked.

Mark stood and looked at her in shock. He refused to believe that this was what she really wanted.

"No," he said simply. "I'm not walking out of here until you tell me why you're doing this."

"Because…" she wanted to explain, but the words wouldn't come.

"Because what? I need to know. If you're going to break my heart again, I need to know why," Mark said.

Tears sprang up in Susan's eyes. "Do you think this is easy for me? It's breaking my heart too," she said.

"Then why?" Mark asked again. He needed an answer.

"Have you forgotten about Ella? She's lying in the hospital right now and that's where you should be. With Ella and Elizabeth, not here with me," Susan said angrily.

"Of course I haven't forgotten!" Mark cried, angry that she would think that. "But what am I supposed to do? Elizabeth won't let me near them until I send Rachel away, and I won't do that."

"Talk to her. Break down the door if you have to, but do something!" Susan replied. "She's your daughter too."

"Is this really about Ella?" Mark asked. "Or is this about you feeling guilty?"

"Of course I feel guilty! Don't you?" Susan asked. "You cheated on your girlfriend last night, Mark, the mother of your child. You should feel guilty."

"I don't want to hurt Elizabeth. I've been there, I know what it's like. But I can't help feeling the way I feel about you. I loved you five years ago, and I love you now, and I'm not sorry for that," Mark answered. "I've spent too much of my life without you and I want that to change."

More tears fell down Susan's face. He wasn't making this easy for her.

"Please, Susan," Mark begged.

Susan shook her head. "I'm sorry. I love you too, and I want to be with you," she cried. "But not like this."

Mark sighed. She wasn't going to change her mind, he knew her well enough to know that. Silently he got dressed as the tears continued to spill down Susan's cheeks. He walked past her as he left the bedroom, fighting back every temptation that was telling him to hold her. Susan watched him walk across the room towards the door, resisting the urge to run after him and ask him to stay.

Mark turned around to look at her, hoping to see some sign that she had changed her mind. Nothing. Without even saying goodbye, he left her alone in her apartment, pulling the door shut behind him. It missed the catch and swung open. Susan followed his footsteps and shut the door, leaning against it for support.

"I'm sorry," she whispered into the air. She slid down the door and buried her face in her hands, crying herself into exhaustion.

>>>>>

Mark wandered down the road, needing to clear his mind. It was still early in the morning and the air was crisp. Mildew had settled on the cars parked along the streets. There weren't many people around – some early morning joggers and few dog-walkers passed him, but he ignored them all, keeping his head down as he walked.

_Why did everyone he loved keep leaving him? What was he doing wrong?_

He felt tears starting to form in his eyes and he blinked them back. He didn't want to cry over her. Not again.

He shivered in the morning chill and doubled back towards his car. He paused outside Susan's apartment block, staring up at the window to her apartment. He wished things could be different. He wished they had woken up this morning and everything had been as wonderful as it should have been. But this was life, and life could be really shitty sometimes.

He got into his car, turned on the engine and blasted warm air out of the heaters, rubbing his arms to get some warmth back into his lanky frame. He thought about the past twenty-four hours.

_'What kind of person have I become?'_ he thought.

He had one daughter in the hospital, another home alone and he had cheated on Elizabeth. Life was not supposed to be like this. He sighed and closed his eyes, tilting his head backwards against the headrest.

_'Susan was right,'_ he thought. Whatever was going on right now, he should be with Ella.

Mark drove to the hospital and, once again, avoided the ER. He only paused to phone home. Rachel was already up and getting ready for school when he called. Mark mumbled a lie about staying at the hospital overnight and Rachel accepted it, promising that she would stay at school all day and return home straight after. After he hung up, Mark went up to the PICU. There was no sign of Elizabeth, and Mark used the chance to slip past the security guards. He went over to Ella and was surprised to find her awake and extubated. She gurgled at him and reached her hands up. Mark reached down and she happily accepted his finger in her tiny palm.

"Hey, Ella," Mark said gently. He berated himself for not being there when all this had been happening. So much for Mark Greene, the family man; he was now Mark Greene, the liar and cheat.

"I love you," Mark whispered. Ella smiled in response and Mark reached his spare hand down to run his hand over her soft hair.

"Mark," Elizabeth's stern voice came from behind him, acknowledging his presence. Mark sighed. He wasn't ready for another altercation but he guessed that there would be one coming.

"She's extubated," Mark stated. He didn't bother with pleasantries, they were beyond that by now.

"Last night," Elizabeth replied. She moved next to him, but the distance between them was overwhelming. She reached her hand down to Ella.

"Where's Rachel?" she asked.

"At home, getting ready for school," Mark answered. He didn't have to explain his decision, it was evident in his answer. To his surprise, Elizabeth simply nodded. There was no reaction, no shock in her face; she remained focused on Ella. She had always known what he would do.

Mark raised his eyebrows. "You're not going to say anything?"

"What is there left to say?" Elizabeth sighed.

Mark studied her face. She looked tired and sad, and he knew that he was largely responsible for that. "I'm sorry," he said. "I never wanted any of this."

"I know," Elizabeth said gently.

"You can't stop me seeing Ella," Mark argued.

"I know," Elizabeth repeated. "I shouldn't have said what I did. I shouldn't have made you choose."

They were both quiet, watching Ella, who was watching them back.

"I'll move my stuff out of the house by the end of the week," Elizabeth said matter-of-factly, finally admitting what they were both trying to avoid.

"There's no hurry," Mark said. "At least stay until you find another apartment. There's no point paying for a hotel when we've got the spare room."

Elizabeth nodded gratefully. It was over, they both knew it. The passion that was once between them had fizzled out and they were no longer in love. There was no point trying to hold on to something that didn't exist any more.

>>>>>

Susan wandered into work at 5.30pm. She wasn't due to start until 6, but after a day of moping in her apartment, she wanted to be anywhere but there. Her bed felt empty without him. Her apartment was quiet and lonely. She ached for him. One night together, and she ached so badly. She had gone for a walk to clear her head, but he wouldn't leave her alone. She didn't know how she was going to face him again.

She went into the lounge, greeting Chuni and Haleh with a half-hearted smile. They were deep in conversation and they barely noticed her.

"It's definitely over?" Haleh asked.

"Yeah, she's moving out of the house at the end of the week," Chuni answered, a gossiping tone to her voice.

"What about Ella?" Haleh asked.

Susan's ears pricked up at this question, realising that they were talking about Mark.

"I heard that she made him choose between Ella and Rachel," Chuni said.

Haleh shook her head. "What kind of a person makes a father choose between his two daughters?"

Susan kept her back to them, pretending to be more interested in the contents of her locker. Was she really hearing this or was her mind playing tricks on her?

"I never thought they were well-suited," Chuni said.

Susan left quietly out the door to the ER. The two nurses watched her go.

"His heart always belonged somewhere else," Haleh said.

Susan grabbed a chart and pretended to be busy, checking the board for an empty exam room. _Was it true? What did it mean for them?_ She had told him that even if he ended things with Elizabeth, it didn't mean that they were ready to fall into a relationship. _But wasn't that what she wanted?_

She found exam room 2 and crept in, closing the door behind her, resting her head against the door and sighing. She closed her eyes.

"Hey."

Susan's heart jumped. _'Tell me I imagined it,'_ she told herself. She turned around slowly and found Mark stood in front of the x-ray board.

"I…I'm sorry. I thought this room was empty," Susan said.

"Have you just started your shift?" Mark asked.

Susan nodded. "What are you doing down here?" she asked.

"They got busy, I thought I'd help out," Mark answered.

Silence fell over them. Mark turned back to the x-ray, hating the awkwardness between them. Susan watched him.

"Is it true?" she asked. Mark turned back towards her again.

"About you and Elizabeth, is it true?" Susan asked again.

Mark nodded. "It's over."

"I'm sorry," Susan said.

"Don't be. It was over before you and I…" He paused, not wanting to finish that sentence. "I don't know what that means for us, if it means anything. I'm not expecting…I just..."

Mark sighed, unable to articulate what he was thinking and feeling. Susan took a step closer to him.

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted this morning," she said.

"You were right," Mark admitted.

"I wish I wasn't," Susan said, regretfully. "I don't know what it means for us either. Things keep changing, Mark, and I don't know what to think. I know that I love you. I know that last night was amazing and I know that I didn't want you to leave this morning. But it all feels so hard and I'm just not sure I have the strength to go through it all. I mean, being in love shouldn't be so complicated, should it?"

A tear fell down her cheek and she wiped it away, willing herself not to start crying again.

Mark shrugged desperately. "I don't have all the answers, Susan. I can't promise you a life without complications. No-one can."

"I know," Susan said. "But I think that's what I need right now, I'm sorry."

Mark shook his head. "Don't be sorry."

They were interrupted by Malik, whose head appeared through the door.

"We've got a multiple MVA coming in," he said, holding out gloves and gowns for both of them.

Susan sighed. He wasn't leaving without them so she began to follow him out of the door.

"Susan," Mark called after her.

She stopped and turned back to face him.

"Do you think we'll ever get our chance?" Mark asked quietly. "To be together?"

Susan shrugged, a sad expression on her face.

"Maybe some things just aren't meant to be."


End file.
